This will be my last post for the 2012-2013 school year! It also happens to be post #200 since starting this blog.
The last few days have been filled with extremes. From packing to saying goodbyes, from creating fond memories to leaving behind old ones, from things going exactly as planned to everything falling apart ... my journey is ending much the way it started with a realization of my own weaknesses and my absolute dependence upon a great and mighty God.
PACKING: Never a fun task, I always end up loathing the piles of things that remind (and surprise) me how much I've accumulated in such a short period of time. With it comes a sense of the temporary ... in one way, the "nester" in me ("Helen" means "nest" in Kurdish) longs for permanence and a place to call home, but in a better way, moving forces me to focus on eternity, reminding me that I am but a "stranger and an exile, a sojourner" here. In the end, I fit all of my things into six gray boxes and two checked bags. The boxes will stay here, with Andy and Lisa, for my anticipated return in Fall 2014. The rest of my apartment was moved to John and Mary's where next year's SGI teachers will pick it up and move it to their new home (TBD).
SAYING GOODBYES: Each day, I've visited neighbors, local friends, and expats to say goodbye. Sometimes we've had deep conversations, while at other times, the goodbyes seemed too brief for the things that wanted to be said. With some of the goodbyes, came the realization that I may never see that person again; while other goodbyes lingered on as I continued to "run in" to that person again and again and will hopefully see them when I come back.
FOND MEMORIES & OLD MEMORIES: Reminders of the the last year and a half came flooding back as I packed up keepsakes (a fake rose from Valentine's Day, a bowl from Istanbul, a note from a student) and visited with friends I met last Spring (my first Kurdish picnic with the orphanage, learning language with T, and growing close with teachers at the school).
During the last few days, I was able to experience some of my favorite times for the last time. H and I had one of our long talks over the Korean lunch she made me, and I read books with her son (the one I tutored in English last Spring). Lisa and I talked during the kids' quiet time ... we sat on the kitchen floor (somehow we always end up there) and shared our struggles over a homemade iced latte. I walked down to the corner market (saying goodbye in my mind) and bought some vegetables one last time. The neighbor kids shouted at me, "Hallo, hallo!" and I waved back at them. I took my last taxi ride, ate my last Kurdish meal ... these are a few of the memories I'll cherish about my time here.
In between reminders of the past, I had time to create some new memories as well. We played basketball the day before I left - a group of eight expats - having a good time being "us" and not worrying about the restrictions of guy-girl interactions. There were screens, elbows, and even some slapping. In fact, almost everyone came away with an injury ... I ended up with a black eye and a tender calf!
Zander and I had an ice cream date that same day. We went to a place that serves real ice cream (well more real than the kind we buy at the store here) in pink, green, yellow, and brown (you order by color, not by flavor). As we talked, I was reminded how much I'll miss him and how much he'll change by the time I see him next.
PLANS & FALLING APART: On our final move day, two members of Andy's basketball team, along with Andy and Adam, helped carry everything out of my apartment. They started at 9:30am and were done in just over a half hour! Everything was going smoothly, except that the same day, the parent of one of my students was supposed to come in the morning to remove the splits. He ended up being my big "wrinkle" for the day. After arriving late, he looked at the rooms for no more than a minute and told me he would come back, "At 5pm ... or maybe 6." I waited at Andy and Lisa's (postponing our last dinner together) until he finally called at 6:30pm. Thankfully it didn't take too long and in the end, Andy, Lisa, Adam and I still had a fun dinner together and stayed up late snacking and hanging out.
The next day Lisa and I were enjoying our time together and once again the morning was off to a good start. I'd gotten up early to make omelets for breakfast, and Andy and Adam had left for Zakho on time. At 11am, I went over to the apartment to try to pay the city electrical bill and meet with the property manager. I handed over the keys, and then he told me I needed to pay him another $500 for June's rent!!! John had talked to him before leaving, and told the property manager I wouldn't be coming in the fall. The manager told John that I wouldn't need to pay anymore and could leave when I needed to. After we went around with "He said..." "You said..." for a couple of minutes, the property manager called a teacher at the school to help us figure things out. The teacher had left his phone at home, so we drove down to CSM. The teacher, manager, and I went around again and again and again. The property manager finally explained that he didn't know when I'd leave and had told John there wouldn't be any problems. When he talked to the owner, the owner told him that he'd still owe rent for June. The manager paid it, and was now expecting me to pay him. Long story short, I taxied back to Andy and Lisa's (after another set of goodbyes) disappointed, but aware that in the midst of the unexpected, I needed to be depend once more on God and not on my own strength.
All in all, my last few days have been the perfect mirror of the last year and a half. I've made a lot of mistakes - from spilling an entire glass of juice all over the floor as we sat in the market to hitting my head on the ceiling fan as I jumped up to look on top of the wardrobe to leaving the door unlocked ... in the midst of all of them, I've been able to see God at work, carrying me through the difficulties and glorying Himself.
As I transition back to the States, I pray that He'll help me deal with the emotions I've continued to push aside and give me the ability to process the things I've learned during my time here. Leaving isn't easy (the tears keep welling up), but I want to go home, fully engaged where God wants me and thankful for the time He gave me here. Thanks for following me along this journey! I'll be back soon, updating you on the things I'm learning in the States and filling you in on what it's like to be uprooted once again!
