Went to my 9:15 class and distributed their art books. Things went well, except I noticed that my throat was feeling scratchy. The students are getting used to the way I do things, but as consistency is established, I need to focus on showing them that I care for them as individuals - I don't want them to think I am just the "mean old teacher" who wants absolute silence :) I was going to stay at the school and visit Julie's class, but by the time my class was over, my throat was worse and I had body aches. I went home and slept, took some pain reliever and headed back out for my 1:45 class. They greeted me with a roaring chant, "GARRRDEN! GARRRDEN! GARRRDEN!" (This is their very pleasant way of asking me to take them to the "garden" or the courtyard where they have recess.) When this happens (which has been every session for the past two weeks) I begin writing instructions on the board. As the "good" students begin following the directions, the mob is shaken. They try to revive, but I have been given enough time to start singling out the mob leaders - "Do you want to see the principal today? No? Then begin working quietly." "And you? Then be quiet and take out your paper." A few more screeches and the revolution has been terminated in 5 minutes instead of the usual 15 or 20. Praise the Lord! I pray for help to go on. The students were supposed to bring red paper for a school-wide project. Knowing that only a handful would comply, I brought my own stack. But nothing is free! :) Each student must either sign up for time "Cleaning" or "Helping the Teacher." This time may be claimed at anytime by me. All the students who get a piece of paper sign up for one of the chores. The project goes well until the last 5 minutes. The sore throat and body aches have me less than agreeable and I am ready to go home. Most of the students have been released from class. Unfortunately the worst student in the class ("Pedro"), being made to sit until the end, decides to erase all the names off the board (whether they were cleaning or helping). I am severe with him, and not at all sure how I will get through to him.
I walk home discouraged, emotionally tired, and physically weak.
January 18th:
I wake up feeling worse. My nose is running, my throat feels like sandpaper and every bone in my body feels like a dry twig. I am taking Tylenol every couple of hours and that helps some of the aching. Stacy comes to my rescue and offers to substitute for my classes today - all four of them!
The rest of the day, I lay in bed and force fluids (thanks Dad for drilling that into my brain!) My internet is down and I'm not sure how to recharge it (you buy internet cards - per minute or per month), so I am disconnected from the world. I play word games on my iPad, read a book, then listen to a life-changing lecture.
The lecture is called "Shame, Contempt and Guilt" (http://www.labri-ideas-library.org/lecture-list.asp?s=1067) I am deeply convicted as I see that by walking in shame and self-contempt, I have failed to feel true guilt over sin and confess it before God. Namely, the sin of hiding an idol. When this idol is broken or exposed by a circumstance or person, I am filled with shame. The shame gives way to self-contempt, which only gives me false hope that I can fix the situation by "trying harder" or "being better" - my idol lies hidden once again. The examples are numerous, but my interaction with "Pedro" is a good place to start. His disrespectful actions caused me shame, and even more so, my response to his actions were cause for shame. Why? His actions discredited my ability to teach. My idol is my capability. My inability to discipline him exposed this idol as well. If I truly cared for Pedro I would not have felt shame or contempt. I would not have caused him to feel shame. Instead, he would know that my love is unconditional; he would see Christ-like love. No wonder I do not have a deeper, stronger relationship with my Heavenly Father! I fail to realize that He feels no shame towards me, He has no contempt for me. Even greater, He has turned my shame into glory! When shame rises, it is an indicator of sin that must be confessed. Shame is not something that should turn me from God, but should draw me closer to him. How terrible that I am just now learning this, yet how awesome that it is true! (All of this connects with my spiritual goal and some of the other things I have been studying, but I will draw those conclusions in my newsletter.)
Being sick now has a purpose and I spend the rest of the day reading and meditating more about this concept. I pray that God will help me apply the lessons to my work here among the children and the people who are 'wrapped' in a shame-based culture.
Between classes, Stacy comes home and prepares me lunch :) I struggle to accept it without shame, confessing my love for independence to the Lord.
January 19th:
Didn't really feel any better when I woke up, but had a good night's rest with the help of some Excedrin PM. Now I have a cough to add to the list of symptoms. Stacy says I sound like a "harbor seal" - a joke because one of her doctors told her that as a child. :) Stacy makes me breakfast and lunch (two more meals of humility) and offers to teach my 1:45 class. As she leaves, she calls me and tells me to look outside my window! Here are a few pictures:
Thankful to be inside, resting, reading and listening to music. The electricity turned off a couple of times, so the heat went out too and I really had to bundle up. When Stacy got home it was -4 degrees Celsius (24.8 F).
My phone ran out of "minutes" (it actually goes by dinars here), so Stacy offered to go down to the store and buy me another one. She brought back a phone card and my third dose of humility for the day. This medicine doesn't go down well, but its healing effects are almost immediate.
January 20th:
Felt well enough to take a shower. Prayed that the electricity wouldn't go out since having wet hair in this cold temperature would be miserable! God was good and the electricity didn't go out until the afternoon. I didn't go to the International Fellowship - it is still very cold outside and I have a lingering cough. Plus, I am known to overdo it (relying in my ability.) I listened to Al Martin preach on the Christian's blessed hope - when we will die and our souls will go to be with Christ. I couldn't download Liberty's most recent message since I was still without internet (in the afternoon Julie walked me through the steps to recharge it.)
Stacy picked up Felafel sandwiches from the cafeteria down the street for lunch. In the afternoon she was invited out to the snow. (Just outside Duhok it was still snowing and several inches thick). Reconnected to the internet, I was able to catch up on communication and blogging. I always miss home when I am sick and it was nice to have them within reach again. A profitable four days.
