February 8th:
Went to school early this morning to set up the art room. The students are working on posters, so I thought I’d let them work on the large tables. I’ve put off taking them to the art room since it had become an issue earlier in the year after a student got paint on one of the computers (which happen to be stored in the same room?!) Throughout the week, I reminded the students of my expectations and warned them that any misbehavior meant they would not get to finish the project. As is typical here, things did not go as planned. I have the key to the art room, but the building that houses the art room was locked! I had to wait 20 minutes with all the kindergarteners for the administration to come unlock it. Much to my chagrin, when I finally got into the art room, it was still set up for the meeting held yesterday! I had to rearrange all the chairs and set up the tables – not part of my “set up” plan for the morning. Even though I wasn’t quite ready, I hurried to the classroom to “pick up” the students. One of the students was being a little sassy, so I warned her that if she continued she would not get to go to the art room. As I gave the students the “don’t touch anything” drill, she got sassy again. I told her to stay in the classroom and the rest of us walked down to the art room. (I don’t think she thought I’d really follow through.) After I got everyone set up with their posters, I discovered that there was more drama. Apparently there had been a “No, I won’t switch desks with you” tragedy earlier in the week and the girls weren’t talking to each other. Dragging the issue into art class, they decided they wouldn’t share colored pencils with each other either. At this point the entire soap opera was being played out in Kurdish, but I started to catch on after one group asked the least popular girl (Shirley) to sit with them just to outnumber the other group. No one would confess that there was a problem, but it all came out after the snobby group made a nasty comment to Shirley who they had been using the entire time to sit at their table. The poor girl started to cry in front of everyone and I was really disgusted that none of the girls cared. After dragging out the whole story, I made them apologize to each other (sincerely) before they could finish their posters. Sincerity, or a true change of heart, is not understood very well among the students, so it took 10 minutes before the one group could humble themselves to truly apologize. They were upset that they didn’t have as much time to work on their project, but I hope the experience will begin to challenge their priorities. The rest of class went well. I only had one or two students who did not do their best work, but overall the posters looked great!
My next class was well-behaved and helped me prep since I didn’t have time between classes to get their papers ready either. Several of the students even stayed into their break to finish their posters.
The 11am class was chaos the moment I walked in. No desk pounding, but no one would quiet down. Their misbehavior may have been a result of not seeing them for an entire week (no school on Sunday). After two of the students refused to change seats, I had to ask the principal to come to the classroom. He rebuked them sternly and the class settled down quickly. I think they were surprised that he had come. There were still problems with individual students, but the class as a whole was more attentive. I definitely struggled with more bad attitudes in that class than in any other.
After class, I went up to the cafeteria to get some lunch. On the way, I ran into two of the rowdiest students from my afternoon 3rd grade class. I asked them what they were eating and if I should get it too. They told me the name and I tried to repeat it, but then they offered to order it for me. I think they thought it was pretty cool to help their teacher. We chit-chatted while we waited for the food. During my break, I sat in the teacher room exhausted. I find myself praying more frequently for God’s guidance in each class as I realize how much I lack in myself to minister to the children.
Amazed at God’s goodness during the afternoon 3rd grade class. The two students I met up with at lunch were model students the entire class period! Class went really well and many of the students are eager to help me after class, giving me kisses on the cheek as they leave to go home.
Rested at home and packed for the retreat.
February 9th:
Finished packing and cleaning my room so another single gal who recently arrived could stay in our apartment for the weekend. Left from Lisa’s house a little after noon. It took about three and a half hours to get to Soran. The scenery was beautiful along the way.
The house we stayed in is a three-story building with several bedrooms, a basement, a large living room downstairs, another family room on the second floor, and a “prayer room” on the third floor. After all the groups had arrived, we ate dinner together in the large living room (all 31 of us) and then gave brief introductions. It was amazing to see where the women were from originally and how we were spread throughout Kurdistan doing different things for the Lord. We gathered in the prayer room for corporate worship and prayer, then headed off to bed.
February 10th:
The food for the entire weekend was delicious (our hostess had all the main meals prepared and two of the ladies in Soran helped her heat them and set them out. There were mountains of snacks that all the ladies brought – fruits and veggies from Duhok, sweets from Shaqlawa/Soran/Koya, and savories from Erbil. Friday morning we woke up leisurely. I was on for kitchen patrol for breakfast, so was down in the kitchen by eight. Since I’ve been getting up at a quarter to six every morning, I still got to sleep in a little. Our hostess had everything ready, so all I really had to do was make sure everything tasted good! J At nine we started our private devotions. I found a quiet place where I was the only person in the room for at least an hour. I came with a list of things that I wanted to study out and pray over, so the two hours passed quickly. God’s Word was filled with answers to my questions. I spent a lot of time journaling out my thoughts and the truth God revealed through His Word. The three things I really spent time on were: 1. Food. This is really sad, but I’ve had an insatiable appetite lately. Sometimes I go through phases where I am really hungry back home, and then it subsides, but I’ve been convicted that in this case, my eating is a compulsive behavior that is taking me away from dealing with shame. [I know this is a recurring topic, and I’m a bit troubled that I have so much to learn about shame. The repetition of this theme humbles me and makes me see how much I have to learn about myself, God’s Word, and Who He is.] Food is something familiar that comforts me when there are so many unknowns surrounding me. The lecture on shame brings up the fact that we can’t have two feelings at the same time. Often, anger replaces our feelings of shame. Right now, feeling like I need to eat is covering my shame. It covers my feelings of helplessness and lack of purpose. Instead of covering my feelings, I need to identify them and pray that they will drive me to the Lord. 2. Culturally appropriate behavior. As with all three topics, I knew I needed to review this one because it was an area of confusion. I tried researching, talking it out with other team members, and other single women at the retreat, but the answers I received only made me more confused. Letting it set in the back of my mind was like putting a bacteria-filled petri dish in a humid room. My mind quickly became clouded and restless. As I prayed about understanding what is culturally acceptable in the context of maintaining a good testimony, God made it clear that I must trust Him to direct my actions, speech, and behavior moment to moment. There is no rule book to guide me, no one set of “dos and don’ts” that will keep me blameless before others. I must simply pray without ceasing that Christ will be manifested through me and that all self will be crucified as He is glorified. “We behaved in the world with simplicity and godly sincerity, not by earthly wisdom, but by the grace of God.” 3. My focus in Kurdistan. Throughout the weekend, the children and especially the orphans were heavy on my heart. There are plenty of opportunities to minister, but I am confident that focusing on my children at the school is the best way I can glorify God during the next few months here. All other relationships and opportunities to serve are extra blessings from the Lord and He will direct me in them as it brings glory to His name.
The food for the entire weekend was delicious (our hostess had all the main meals prepared and two of the ladies in Soran helped her heat them and set them out. There were mountains of snacks that all the ladies brought – fruits and veggies from Duhok, sweets from Shaqlawa/Soran/Koya, and savories from Erbil. Friday morning we woke up leisurely. I was on for kitchen patrol for breakfast, so was down in the kitchen by eight. Since I’ve been getting up at a quarter to six every morning, I still got to sleep in a little. Our hostess had everything ready, so all I really had to do was make sure everything tasted good! J At nine we started our private devotions. I found a quiet place where I was the only person in the room for at least an hour. I came with a list of things that I wanted to study out and pray over, so the two hours passed quickly. God’s Word was filled with answers to my questions. I spent a lot of time journaling out my thoughts and the truth God revealed through His Word. The three things I really spent time on were: 1. Food. This is really sad, but I’ve had an insatiable appetite lately. Sometimes I go through phases where I am really hungry back home, and then it subsides, but I’ve been convicted that in this case, my eating is a compulsive behavior that is taking me away from dealing with shame. [I know this is a recurring topic, and I’m a bit troubled that I have so much to learn about shame. The repetition of this theme humbles me and makes me see how much I have to learn about myself, God’s Word, and Who He is.] Food is something familiar that comforts me when there are so many unknowns surrounding me. The lecture on shame brings up the fact that we can’t have two feelings at the same time. Often, anger replaces our feelings of shame. Right now, feeling like I need to eat is covering my shame. It covers my feelings of helplessness and lack of purpose. Instead of covering my feelings, I need to identify them and pray that they will drive me to the Lord. 2. Culturally appropriate behavior. As with all three topics, I knew I needed to review this one because it was an area of confusion. I tried researching, talking it out with other team members, and other single women at the retreat, but the answers I received only made me more confused. Letting it set in the back of my mind was like putting a bacteria-filled petri dish in a humid room. My mind quickly became clouded and restless. As I prayed about understanding what is culturally acceptable in the context of maintaining a good testimony, God made it clear that I must trust Him to direct my actions, speech, and behavior moment to moment. There is no rule book to guide me, no one set of “dos and don’ts” that will keep me blameless before others. I must simply pray without ceasing that Christ will be manifested through me and that all self will be crucified as He is glorified. “We behaved in the world with simplicity and godly sincerity, not by earthly wisdom, but by the grace of God.” 3. My focus in Kurdistan. Throughout the weekend, the children and especially the orphans were heavy on my heart. There are plenty of opportunities to minister, but I am confident that focusing on my children at the school is the best way I can glorify God during the next few months here. All other relationships and opportunities to serve are extra blessings from the Lord and He will direct me in them as it brings glory to His name.
After the two hours, I came away spiritually refreshed and looking forward to the next private devotion time. We worshipped together in the prayer room again and then went down for lunch. After lunch, two of the older ladies shared their testimonies and some of the things they had seen God do in their homeland of Iran. I was in and out, helping and fellowshipping with the moms who had brought along their nursing babies. We ate dinner in two groups – the single women and the married/moms. It was helpful to hear about some of the struggles I can expect to face – proposals to become a second wife from the husband AND his wife, criticism for completing everyday tasks that women do not normally perform, and more restrictive lifestyles without a man to claim responsibility. After dinner, we worshipped and prayed together again, then split up to fellowship, sleep, or play games.
February 11th:
Ate breakfast, then enjoyed another two hour block of personal devotions with the Lord. This session was a little heavier as I grieved over sin and spent more of the time praying. Corporate worship and prayer afterwards – spent a great deal of time praying for specific individuals and the darkness that surrounds this place. It was truly a sweet hour of prayer; we trust that the cries we lifted up on the behalf of others will be answered by God for His glory and the salvation of His people. Ate lunch (baked potato bar) then everyone hurried to pack so we could be back to our respective locations before dark. I was ready to end the time at the retreat, but for some reason felt sadness as we drove away. It was almost like homesickness. I was a little disappointed with myself and prayed that the Lord would help me to be content here, where He has called me instead of longing for America. The sadness was relieved, but I didn’t actually feel happy until we passed through the last checkpoint and descended into Duhok. All at once I realized I was home! Joy flooded my soul as I realized that God had not only called me to work here, but has given me a heart to be here as well.
Saw a rainbow on the way to the retreat and another one on the way back. Both were double rainbows and this one was especially bright. We could actually see where it ended on the ground in front of us!
Thankful to be home without any car problems or issues at the checkpoints. Went to John and Mary’s for dinner (pizza) and played games afterwards. Had a fun time with fellow team members and glad for a night’s sleep in my own bed again.
