Friday, November 30th:
I forgot to mention that yesterday I successfully oiled the hinges on my bedroom door. I don't know if you can find WD-40 here or not, but I decided to use what I had on-hand: old-fashioned olive oil. It worked surprisingly well! My arrival into and departure from the rest of the house is no longer announced with loud squeaks and groans.
I woke up early this morning to talk to Han, but she was not feeling well...
Fellowship was an encouragement today. I never cease to be amazed that God's Word can apply to so many people in various walks of life. In Galatians 5, we looked at true freedom. It does not come through a list of can and can not's, but comes by walking in the Spirit. Paul is emphatic that the Galatians do not bind themselves in slavery to the flesh. For bondage to the flesh, even in religious guises, brings about jealousy, rivalry, dissension, etc. The evidences of walking in the Spirit are love, joy, peace, etc. We spent some time looking at Keller's definitions of the fruit of the Spirit:
Agape – love
Definition: to serve a person for their good and intrinsic value, not for what the person brings you.
Opposite: fear, self-protection and abusing people.
Counterfeit: selfish affection. Rescuing someone but really rescuing self. Attracted not to a person, but to how this person's love makes you feel about yourself.
Chara – joy
Definition: Delight in God and his salvation for sheer beauty and worth of who He is.
Opposite: Hopelessness, despair.
Counterfeit: Elation that comes with blessings not the Blesser! Mood swings based on circumstances.
Irene – peace
Definition: Confidence and rest in the wisdom and sovereignty of God more than your own.
Opposite: Anxiety and worry
Counterfeit: Indifference, apathy, not caring about something. “I don’t care.”
Makrothumia – patience
Definition: Ability to take trouble (from others or life) without blowing. To suffer joyfully.
Opposite: Resentment toward God and others.
Counterfeit: Cynicism. Self-righteousness. “This is too small to be bothered about.”
Chrestotes – kindness
Definition: Practical kindness with vulnerability out of deep inner security.
Opposite: Envy. Unable to rejoice in other’s joy.
Counterfeit: Manipulative good deeds. “Right hand knowing what left hand is doing.” Self-congratulation and self-righteousness.
Agathosune – goodness (integrity)
Definition: Honesty, transparency. Being the same in one situation as another.
Opposite: Phoniness; hypocrisy.
Counterfeit: Truth without love. “Getting it off the chest” for your sake.
Pistis – faithfulness
Definition: Loyalty. Courage. To be principle-driven, committed, utterly reliable. True to one’s word.
Opposite: Opportunist. Fair-weather friend.
Counterfeit: Love without truth. Being loyal when you should be willing to confront or challenge.
Prautas – gentleness (humility)
Definition: Self-forgetfulness.
Opposite: Superiority: self-absorbed self-aggrandizement.
Counterfeit: Inferiority: self-absorbed, self-consciousness.
Egkrateia – self-control
Definition: Ability to choose the important thing over the urgent.
Opposite: A driven, impulsive, uncontrolled person.
Counterfeit: Willpower through pride or through more “functional” idols.
The definition of love and its opposite relate to the shame lecture. We abuse others to cover our shame. We look to them for approval and self-worth, or we criticize and condemn them so that we feel better about ourselves and can escape our shame. I realize that I am not a loving person. I prefer to protect myself, especially when love is hard and may not be received well by the other person.
I realize that I am also not faithful. I think that I am loyal, protecting the reputations of the ones I love, but I am not always willing to confront when I ought to in order to be loving. The counterfeits to the fruit of the Spirit were revealing. It is easy to be deceived by traits that seem to be "as good as" the fruit of the Spirit, but are not true in their motives.
After fellowship, I went to lunch with a couple expats at the house of a local friend, B. We just met for the first time the other day, but she was kind enough to include me in her invitation. I enjoyed listening to B talk about her life. She has had some interesting experiences. Around 3, I excused myself so I could meet up with some of the expat girls to go on a hike. We went up the flag mountain to see a beautiful sunset and view of the city.
Our apartment is in the middle-right, a little pink building:
A fiery sunset, reminding me of "the coming of the day of God, wherein the heavens being on fire shall be dissolved..."
When we got home, Sarah and I watched a movie. The rest of the evening was pretty quiet.
Saturday, December 1st:
The smell of kerosene seeping into my room subtly reminds me that winter is here.
I was able to talk to my sister, Hannah this morning. We were both snuggled up in bed, not feeling very well. I woke up with a sore throat and body aches, but thankfully nothing planned for the day. Hannah and I caught up on events. She and her husband are going to Germany soon, so it is hustle and bustle at their house, trying to get ready. She is memorizing Psalm 37 and told me it often reminds her of me. We shared what we've been learning ... how it is easy to fret and become angry when we haven't committed our way beforehand to the Lord. And once everything "goes wrong" or not as planned, it is easy to forget to re-commit our way to the Lord. The word, "commit" carries the connotation that whatever we are committing is being taken of in the hands of the One to whom we have committed it. Our thoughts and desires are known to God and He lovingly takes care of them, fine-tuning them so that they align with His Word.
For the rest of the day, I alternated between the chair and the bed, sometimes reading but mostly sleeping. I finished "Lotus Buds" by Amy Carmichael. Though written in a different setting at another time, it was convicting. She talks about the cost of walking in obedience to God. "What if it cost? Did not Calvary cost? Away with the cold, calculating love that talks to itself about cost! God give us a pure passion of love that knows nothing of hesitation and grudging, and measuring, nothing of compromise!" I lack this pure passion of love ... I would rather remember (and remind God) of the cost of following Him. A few pages later, Amy writes about the work we do in obedience to God, "it will only mean little humble everyday doings ... but if the call is a true call from Heaven, it will change to a song as she obeys; and through all the afterward of life, through all the loneliness that may come, through all the disillusions ... when the usual and commonplace are all about her - then and forever that song of the Lord will sing itself through the quiet places of her soul, and she will be sure."
Throughout the day, my teammates checked on me. Lisa called to get a how-have-things-really-been-going-update. Sarah offered to run to the store. Mary checked to see if there was anything she could do for me and gave me the rest of the turkey, vegetable soup for dinner. Despite the achy joints and scratchy throat, I felt blessed. As I get ready to sleep again, I am thankful that I don't have to walk in bondage to the flesh. The filth of slavery is all around, but I have been set free that I might walk in the Spirit. This path may lead through the usual and the commonplace - a sore throat, another day of school - but with it comes a clear, deep song. May God grant me this song, void of murmuring, full of quiet peace and assurance.
