Friday, September 7th:
It was nice to sleep in and not worry about getting ready for school this morning. I slept until 8:30, then graded some papers until I was pleasantly interrupted by an invitation for waffles. Visited with John and Mary for about a half hour. A few days ago, John caught two geckos, which he decided to keep as pets inside his terrarium. Since then, the geckos' latest eating habits and terrarium changes have been the main subject of conversation. :)
Returned to grading, but set a time restriction so I could try to not only be more productive, but more realistic about how much grading I should really complete each day. I've decided that at least twice a week I will simply check to make sure students are completing their homework, then put the answers on the board the next morning. It takes me at least two hours (probably closer to three) to grade and correct all four classes (about 90 papers).
In the afternoon, I had a pleasant surprise. My friend from back home, who just left to teach in the Philippines was on Skype! We got to chat for awhile, comparing our locations and the things God is teaching us. She is still in the "take it all" mode, so it was fun to hear about what was new and exciting for her.
Afterwards, I moved on to lesson planning for this coming week. Sarah and I watched "The Scarlet Pimpernel" while I jotted down my notes for each day's chapter. At 5, we went over to Andy and Lisa's to watch Z & Z while they went on a date night. Zephie was not very happy when she discovered that Mama had left her, so I got lots of "cuddle" time (even though she wasn't sure she wanted me as a replacement). Sarah built a tower with Zander, made him a tunnel out of dushaks, and went to imaginary places. Andy and Lisa brought home dessert, which we enjoyed while visiting with them after the kids went to bed.
We walked home and stopped in at Holland so Sarah could pick up some conditioner. We had a fun time looking for one that didn't have a "cone" in it (used to describe any chemical that ends in "cone"). It was good walking weather and nice to get some exercise.
Saturday, September 8th:
Woke up this morning plagued with such rebellious thoughts that I felt my heart must be truly hardened. As I begged the Lord to "take away my stony heart and give me a heart of a flesh," I was reminded of the part in Pilgrim's Progress where, "poor Christian was so confounded, that he did not know his own voice" and "one of the wicked ones got behind him, and stepped up softly to him, and whisperingly suggested many grievous blasphemies to him, which he verily thought had proceeded from his own mind. This put Christian more to it than anything that he met with before, even to think that he should now blaspheme Him that he loved so much before; yet, if he could have helped it, he would not have done it; but he had not the discretion either to stop his ears, or to know from whence these blasphemies came." Instead of fixating on the wickedness of my heart, I prayed that God would deliver me from the evil one and help me to walk in His strength. The morning improved as God answered prayer.
Sarah and I went to fellowship by ourselves (John and Henry were sick and Mary was looking after them, so they couldn't join us.) We had an encouraging time studying Luke 23 and the 11 different responses to Jesus as He was led to His crucifixion. We picked up a chicken on our way home ... ironically we saw two little baby chicks in the alley near our apartment. It is very unusual to see "wildlife" or any living animals, so we stopped to take pictures (and tried to hide the cooked chicken we had just picked up for lunch.) :)
After lunch and an encouraging conversation with Sarah, I listened to a short message (it was actually a response by Tim Keller during a Q&A session). From the 5 minute response, I gleaned 5 important points that I thought were relevant to the heart issues I've been struggling with, and tied in with the reading from John 11:
1. When we resist God's will, we are essentially saying "there can't be anything better than what I've imagined." (Like Thomas, who though there couldn't be anything more reasonable to expect from a journey to Bethany than death.)
2. We often stray into two lines of thinking when God's will doesn't "align with our own". We either say, "There must be sin in our lives since God is not answering our prayers" (Keller pointed out that Jesus' request was not granted and that was certainly not a result of sin in His life). Or we say, "God's will must necessarily contradict my own desires, so I better get used to it" and then we refuse to be happy in Him. This last point is the one I am struggling with. ("Then said Thomas, which is called Didymus, unto his fellowdisciples, 'Let us also go, that we may die with him.'")
3. Our plans never include suffering or defeat, but the gospel has at the heart of its victory both suffering and death! (Am I ready to lie down my life, my plans, my self, for the gospel?)
4. As Christians, we proclaim a suffering God. Jesus suffered so that we, through our own suffering, might be made like Him. (Will I follow Christ in His sufferings?)
5. In the gospel, resurrection will always be on the other side of death. (This was the miracle that Jesus intended to show His disciples! Do I believe that there is a resurrection for me here, which God will reveal in His own time?)
The second message I listened to looked at the fear expressed in Psalm 3. Not only was David afraid for his physical well-being, but for his very self and identity. Everything he had counted on to define himself had been stripped away - his favoritism with the people (they were about to depose him), his moral integrity (they knew of his affair with Bathsheeba and the murder of her husband), and his ability to parent (his own son was trying to kill him). In verse 3, David recognizes that God is his shield IN danger not apart from it. We have to follow God even in the midst of danger. To obey will be difficult, but to disobey is fatal. David also recognized that God was his glory, the lifter of his head. It wasn't the physical that could bring him glory, but God alone. These two points confirmed the things I've been meditating on throughout the week. God is calling me to follow Him into the difficulties and I dare not disobey. Secondly, my disinclination to follow Him reveals that I do not believe He alone is my glory. I trust that He will show me how to delight only in Him (my resurrection) in the months to come.
After a profitable time of rest, Sarah and I went out to get some things for Mary, then watched Iron Lady, a movie about Margaret Thatcher. It was a little depressing, but very informative about her life and the events surrounding it. Sarah made two big bowls of popcorn - one for each of us. It was delicious! And reminded me of home. When we finished it was about 8:30, so we went over to visit Mary and make sure Henry was sleeping well. All was quiet on the Eastern front :) and we were able to chit chat over a cup of tea.
