Arrived back in Duhok around 10am. Sarah greeted me at the door. We sat around the table and talked about our weekends. Took a shower, did some laundry, and caught up on emails. Around noon, Sarah and I went over to John and Mary's for waffles and catching up. John and Mary had gone to Assyrian engagement party the night before and the night before that, Sarah went a celebration with an Assyrian family from the school. We laughed about our "very Assyrian weekend!"
Laid low and prepared for school. I thought I would be exhausted and ready for an early bedtime, but my body wasn't back on the early night/early morning schedule. I was able to get a lot accomplished, and then Mom and I Skyped until 11:30pm.
Sunday, September 16th:
Thankfully I didn't have any problems getting up this morning. It might be more difficult tomorrow once all the activities of the weekend have finally caught up with me. Sarah, Mary, and I left at 8am so we could make copies before our classes. We all had fairly important copies to make, but when we arrived, we were greeted with, "All out of paper, Miss." Time to ad lib...
My first class had not behaved well for Sarah, so withholding the test was providential. For their warm-up, they had to answer the following questions: 1. Were you good for Miss Sarah? 2. How could you have behaved better? 3. What do you deserve? Sarah had marked down the names of the most disrespectful student, and I handed them sentences to copy for the duration of the class. For the rest, I read true/false statements aloud and they had to mark the answers on a piece of paper. The questions are supposed to identify their learning style, and I am prayerful that this will help me structure the class in a more effective manner. Overall, the students were attentive. I felt that I was unusually strict with them, so much so that it was hard to break that demeanor for the next class, but I hope they realized that I was serious about good behavior for subbing teachers.
My next three classes went well. I used the same ad lib lesson plan, though it was rather tedious to repeat the questions (and explain them one, two, three times). The school eventually got paper, and my copies were finished by the break. Hopefully I will be able to give the test tomorrow without any hiccups and we can try to catch up somewhere during the week. At noon, I subbed for another teacher's second grade class. Again, I had to ad lib a lesson. We identified and drew patterns, which eventually morphed that into what they are learning in math right now (smallest to largest). It would be nice to see the younger grades learn that math is really a tool we use to identify and create patterns. I think most view it as foreign language or a rule book of formulas, not something with practical applications.
Since leaving for the weekend, Sarah is more comfortable getting around on her own. She walked home after her class, so I stayed until school was finished at 2:30pm. It was nice to catch up with my kids as they piled into their buses. Even though I hadn't asked for it, I was given the opportunity to talk to four students who had been heavy on my heart for various reasons.
Enjoyed time for reflection during my quiet walk home. It was warm, but not unbearable. Once home, I graded a good portion of my papers, then Skyped with Dad and two of the boys before they went to church. At 6pm, the team met up at Vin House (the hamburger restaurant.) I had a delicious chicken burger with fries and coleslaw. Almost as good as home! Afterwards, we got ice cream at the shop next door. I had a really good red slushy. It hit the spot!
Came home and finished grading. Pictures of me at the village are all over Facebook. It is easy to imagine, especially in the midst of all the topsy-turvy-ness that surrounds us everyday, that the pictures will somehow give rise to false accusations. Each time I see a new post, my mind turns towards those thoughts, and I push down the fear that rises into my throat, threatening to choke me. Idle words of defense come to mind, and then I plunge deeper into worry over what others might think. Amid the fiery darts of the evil one and despite my fleshly panic, God keeps reminding me that I must rest in Him. I am learning that one of my greatest fears is the loss of self. One of the lectures I listened to talked about this kind of anxiety- not a healthy fear that spurs the adrenaline rush that sends us flying across the road when a car is barreling towards us - but an unhealthy, unreasonable fear that arises when something that gave us identity, something that made us feel we had control is stripped away. Combine this with another lecture about our treasures ... The example given was money. We use money as either a symbol of our status (exalting ourselves) or as our security (protecting ourselves). It follows then that our identity is wrapped up in what we treasure. When that treasure is threatened, anxiety arises not so much for the treasure itself, but because we are afraid of losing our identity.
Conclusion: Fear reveals our treasure. (Think of the ruse Sherlock Holmes used to uncover a compromising letter. Fearful that her house was burning, the woman revealed her hiding place to save her treasure.)
Based on the fear that has arisen in the last 24 hours, I keep asking myself, "What is my treasure?" Perhaps it goes deeper than this, but I know that how others view me is at least part of the package. The lecture on treasure goes on to say that Jesus is the only treasure who died so that we could have Him. Every other treasure will demand that we die in order to obtain it. The treasure I seek to obtain, worth in the sight of others, is drowning me in a sea of "what ifs." What is the remedy? Delight in the Lord as my treasure. Delight in God rather than self. I am not certain that I know how to do this yet, but tonight I am resting in His Word, finding peace in the knowledge that though I am unworthy, God delights in me:
"For the Lord's portion is his people; Jacob is the lot of his inheritance. He found him in a desert land, and in the waste howling wilderness; he led him about, he instructed him, he kept him as the apple of his eye."
