Wednesday, March 20th:
This morning, Hannah and I had a "social coffee" 3 hour talk. It was nice getting to know her better and hear what God has been teaching her. Providentially, we are learning many of the same things right now ... I was reminded of Christian overtaking Faithful after the Valley of the Shadow of Death and how they were able to encourage one another in their experiences along the way.
As I've thought more about what God is teaching me, I've realized how freeing it is to do things out of delight in the Lord:
1. I don't have to worry about the outcome
2. I don't have to worry about others' reactions
3. I don't have to worry about doing it in my own strength
It has not been an easy lesson to learn as I see where ulterior motives have laid hold on even the smallest decisions - "I'll do this because it will help this person." "I won't say this because it might cause a bad reaction." "A good Christian shouldn't or wouldn't..." But I am encouraged knowing that God is my schoolmaster. "I am poor and needy, yet the Lord thinketh on me."
In the afternoon, Hannah and I walked over to Andy and Lisa's. We stopped at Holland along the way and I introduced Hannah to their western assortment of goodies. Andy had the basketball team over to review game film, so I helped Lisa make Kurdish tea and serve plates of sweets to them. When they left around 4:30, we loaded up in Magnum and drove up to Zowa Mountain to participate in the traditional Nawroz Eve celebration. Everyone from the city was on their way up, so it was slow going. Near the top of the mountain, we ran into car problems, so had to turn around. We ate our snacks in the car and watched as everyone else lit their fires, flew kites, and shot off fireworks in celebration of their New Year. When we got back to the Bishop's, we had a campfire on their roof and invited the neighbors over. We grilled hot dogs (chicken franks) over the fire and snacked on chips, candies, sunflower seeds, and soda. Hannah and I didn't get home until 11pm, but it was a fun evening!
Thursday, March 21st:
Over the past few weeks, the reaction to my physical appearance has heightened. The last two times we went to Erbil as a team, I was treated differently because of the shape of my eyes - once I was refused tea, another time we were made to get out of the car at a checkpoint because I didn't look "American." On this last trip, when Katie, Faith and I went on our visit we were moving along with a line of women, shuffling past a security check. The guards called out to me as we passed by them, "Yapani, Yapani," drawing attention in a way that was not only unwelcome, but exceedingly shameful in this culture. Faith protectively drew her arm around me as we walked by them...
Again, last night, my physical appearance drew remarks - "so, you are samurai?" Usually, I try to laugh it off or change the conversation, but last night I was tired, tired of trying to do the right thing and pretending like it didn't hurt. I grimaced (in retrospect, I hope the darkness deflected the full effect of my expression), but I didn't think of the remark again until this morning. Why did I look back on it with such pain? I'm sure there are many psychological reasons, but at the heart, as I prayed about it with the Lord, I came to the conclusion that it reminds me of one more way that I am bound to this earth. During my 3am reflection the other morning, I got a glimpse of what my life could be like - living in an endless cycle of God delighting in me, perpetuating me delight in Him; this delight brings Him glory and is followed by His love and delight in me. It seems other-worldly (and at times I've doubted the "reality" of living in such a state, but am reminded that "we are not of this world" and "we are partakers of spiritual things.") Unfortunately there are the weights which do so easily beset us and the cares of this world that tie us here. Our own flesh restrains us from attaining to those heights ... and in my case, not only the flesh inwardly, but outwardly as well. When others comment on my appearance, it reminds me of this tie to flesh ... though I desire to have a spiritual identity (that my life be hid in Christ), I will not be completely free from a physical identity until eternity. Just as we must continue to live day by day paying bills, cleaning house, etc., I must live with how others perceive me and how they interact with me based on that perception. This doesn't mean it won't hurt, but thankfully, I can take my hurt to the Lord, my Refuge and Strength. He loves me as He loves His own Son, who is without blemish and without spot.
Today was a pretty quiet day. I went out for groceries as everything will mostly be closed tomorrow for the holiday. I was able to get a lot of schoolwork done - tests and quizzes written, lesson plans for the next week, etc. In the afternoon, I read on the roof, enjoying the sunshine, and not-too-hot weather. Mom bought me a biography about Roy Rogers and Dale Evans. (My love for the West and all things cowboy is peaking through here.) :) It was an interesting read and encouraging to hear their testimonies. God gave them a heart for the unloved - they had nine children and four of them were adopted. He also took them through some very difficult circumstances - one child had down syndrome and died before she turned two; and two of their other children died in tragic circumstances. I was reminded that no matter how much we have materially, if we are children of God, we should "not think it strange concerning the fiery trials which is to try [us]," but that we should rejoice to partake of Christ's sufferings.
Hannah and I decided to have a late dinner together. She made an alfredo-ish sauce over pasta. Yummy! As we ate, we got deep in conversation. By the time we got up from the table it was almost 10pm! :)
