Slept in this morning and felt better when I woke up. Exercised, cleaned, and puttered around the house until 2:30pm. John, Mary, Stacy and I headed over to Andy and Lisa's for an early Skype call with Dave. He updated us on our current situation. Though I struggled with the initial decision and hearing it about second-hand during the first few days, the call with Lisa (Saturday night) brought a lot of clarity. Since then I have sought how I might honor God through this situation - in my attitude, submission, support, etc. In light of this, I have been very thankful for parents who instilled in me the utmost importance of honoring God above all else, no matter the cost. Not only did they guide me through difficult circumstances in my life, they also demonstrated this principle in the decisions they made in their lives. With regards to the situation at hand, I know that the best way I can honor God is to submit to the leadership He has placed over me. Even though I may not fully understand the implications of their decision, I can trust that "the powers that be are ordained of God." Even more, I can trust that the implications will fall out for His glory and for my good, resting in His promise that, "them that honor Me I will honor."
After our Skype call, we ate dinner and worshiped together. I made stroganoff; Lisa made roasted veggies; and Julie made a strawberry field salad to go on the side. We topped it off with Mary's Nutella and banana crepes for dessert.
Made it home by 9pm, though it still felt like a long day.
April 10th:
Caught up on correspondence this morning. At 11am, friends from the fellowship picked me up so we could visit an orphanage nearby. We walk by it (or at least what is left of their summer camp sign) on the way to Andy and Lisa's house and I had often wondered about it ... I finally found out that it really does exist and that a friend knows the former manager, T (a single woman who impressed me with her professionalism and heart for the children). T acted as our translator as we met with the current director of the orphanage. Through T, I explained that I was born in Japan, then given up for adoption to my parents who raised me in America. The director asked T a question in Kurdish. As she turned to me to translate, she colored and explained that it was a rather personal question. I encouraged her to proceed and she asked why I had been given up for adoption. I explained that I had been born out of wedlock, that it was surprising in Japanese culture that the woman had even given birth to me, and that when her lover found out, wanted nothing to do with a baby. The director, upon translation, referenced a Kurdish saying, something to the effect of: "You have dismissed me with one eye, therefore I dismiss you with both." I was disappointed with myself that I had not taken the opportunity to proclaim God's goodness through my adoption and that the director had come away with this statement of bitterness. Perhaps God will provide another opportunity for me to explain how greatly blessed I am to have been adopted. We asked many questions to which they told us that are 35 boys and 17 girls. The orphanage was started in 1979. There is a facility for the boys and another for the girls (just down the road). All of the children came from Duhok and surrounding areas. Some of the children they heard about on the news and took them in, some were dropped off by relatives who couldn't look after them, and others were handed to the police who brought them to the orphanage. One of the latter was a little 2 and half year old who was handicapped. No one came forward as the parents, so the orphanage gave her a new name and took her in.
After our meeting (which included water, instant coffee served in tiny mugs, and a piece of candy - traditional hospitality), we took a tour of the orphanage. We went to a large common room where about twenty boys were sitting on couches around the edges of the room. I was rather intimidated as the two ladies with me were able to speak to the children in Kurdish. J wandered to the right side of the room and began a conversation with some of the workers. The other lady and I went to the left where six boys were crowded together on a couch. She started the conversation by asking each one their name. Several responded in English, but didn't communicate any further. I kept praying that God would open a door for me to get to know them despite the language barrier. I sat down on the floor in front of them and through T, I asked the boys their favorite subject in school and their favorite color. As T was pulled aside into a different conversation, I (mostly through hand motions and a few Kurdish words) asked them how old they were. Some were the same age as my brother, Stephen, so I tried to tell them that I had four brothers who were 11, 9, 4, and 2. Their eyes lit up and as we continued our disjointed conversation, they moved down onto the floor next to me. Pretty soon I had a group of a dozen boys hovering around me. They were anxious to tell me every English word they could think of. Words were flying all around, "Apple, dog, doctor, fire fighter, I am talking, I am listening." I could barely ask questions, but enjoyed seeing their happiness as they secured my attention. Their smiles were a ray of light in the midst of our dark trial.
The facilities were well-kept and very clean. They have different rooms for each age group. There is a bed for every boy. An armoire is attached to the bed, designed in a way that gives each boy his own space. We were there for almost two hours. As we left, we stopped at the deaf institute, which shares the same property. They were eager to say hello to us. When I tried to sign my name, their eyes opened wide and all at once I had fourteen hands trying to tell me their names too. They use similar signs, but I think some of their words (like the days of the week) are different based on their cultural needs. I went to the market afterwards so I could think and wander. It seems a strange place to go, but there are no other places that I know of where a single woman can walk around without seeming too out of place. God kept me from evil comments and I was able to walk around in relative peace.
The weather changes quickly - sometimes rainy, other times sunny and warm. Everything is becoming green.
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Came home for a quick lunch (around 2:30), then went over to John and Mary's. There had been a long dialogue via email about our situation, running between our team, the director in Nashville and the administrator in Erbil. We spent well into the night trying to connect with everyone and pleading with God for His wisdom and direction. I didn't get to bed until after midnight.
Right now I feel that the devil is trying to distract us from our task here – to proclaim good news to the poor; to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed. We are getting wrapped up in speculation and trying to feel good about it by looking at “sound reason” and good ideas. As we struggle to push our plans forward, we continue to face defeat. It reminds me of the Israelites – whenever they were defeated by the enemy, they discovered unconfessed sin within the camp. “The Lord said to me, ‘Say to them, Do not go up or fight, for I am not in your midst, lest you be defeated before your enemies.’ So I spoke to you, and you would not listen; but you rebelled against the command of the Lord and presumptuously went up into the hill country.” The more we strive to make this right and sort it out, the further we seem to stray from trusting the Lord and looking to Him to be our strength. We are looking to outward means, when perhaps our best recourse would be to ask, “Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” On my part, the sin lies mostly with the way in which I have handled the situation since hearing about Dave’s decision second-hand. Instead of praying for my leaders and turning in trust to God, I sought to have it make sense. In light of the fact that “[we] cannot stand before [our] enemies until [we] take away the devoted things from among [us]” I have had to evaluate my “devoted things” – my devotion to logic, my devotion to independence, my devotion to working things out and have a plan, my devotion to myself. Though I have confessed these to the Lord, the situation stills hangs over us like a dark cloud. As the darkness lingers, the struggle continues to be in submitting to leadership and waiting on the Lord. Scripture helps to remind me that I must be like Ruth and wait, knowing that my kinsman Redeemer will not rest until the matter is settled. I must wait like David until I hear the sound in the mulberry trees to bestir myself, knowing then that the Lord has gone out before me.
Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.
