April 29th:
Went to bed last night thinking about why it bothers me so much when people come up and tell me that I must be from China or Korea or Japan. It's happened a couple times in the last few days and I can get really upset by it. When I tell them I'm from America, they scoff and tell me that my parents must be Asian. Sometimes I feel like I have to go through my entire history just to convince them that I'm American. When I look in the mirror, I often think that my outward appearance isn't an accurate representation of who I really am, but then I have to wonder, "Who am I, really?" When I get down to the heart of it, I belong to God, which means that no human form will ever be an accurate representation. "When He shall appear, we shall be like Him; for we shall see Him as He is." I read through some Scriptures and found comfort in seeing how often Christ was mis-identified as only "the son of a carpenter," an unprofitable Nazarene, and as being bound in his relationship to his earthly brothers and sisters. Though perfect and sinless, the outward appearance that Christ took on Himself, being without form or comeliness, associated Him with sinful man. People scoffed at our Savior when He told them that He was not of this world and became angry when He declared Himself to be God. He didn't try to convince them or argue with them, He showed them by His works who He was. "For whosoever shall do the will of God, the same is my brother, and my sister, and mother."
Went over for French toast with John and Mary and their guests. We had a nice time talking, then sang some hymns together and listened to a sermon from John and Mary's pastor in Pennsylvania. I left for school a little early and had some copies made for Mary (naturally, there was enough paper and ink for her print job!)
The "rowdy" class had some trouble settling down. So finally for the last 25 minutes of class, I made them sit with their hands folded and wrote their names on the board if they made even the slightest noise. When they realized I was serious, they started to quiet down. We'll see if it lasts into tomorrow...
At 10:15, I subbed for the science teacher for my second fourth grade class. We went through the lesson and did some of the practice problems. When I saw them again 12:15, we finished working on the lesson problems and then I released them to the garden for about 20 minutes.
My 11am art class went REALLY well. They are working on making their own books. I am giving them the sentences (borrowed from a book I read when I was little), then they are drawing the pictures. Today they drew a picture of themselves over the words, "God always sees me." Every student in the class (except for two) worked diligently and did their best. I was really impressed with the drawings they produced!
At 1pm, I went to H's to tutor J. We had a nice time, even though H has bad allergies right now. She fixed me some yummy pasta and then made me waffles with ice cream, chocolate sauce, pancake syrup, and banana slices! SUPER GOOD! J wasn't too motivated today and really wanted to draw, so I wrote words on the paper, which he drew after reading the word aloud.
Took a taxi to the market and bought a lot of the gifts I was looking for. Felt very successful. Came home and Skyped with the family. The boys had lots of fun things to tell me. At 6pm, John, Mary, Matt, Brad, Henry and I went to dinner at Shendokah, which is a pretty fancy restaurant and hotel on the other side of town. We ate outside ... the weather was perfect. I had parzola which is like a lamb chop. I really enjoyed it. It was nice to sit around and share experiences (well, most of the time ... sometimes I feel like I answer a little too eagerly, wanting to talk in English and say something about what I'm learning here. It brings out a side of me that isn't pleasant.) After dinner it was a little harder to squeeze into one taxi, but we made it home!
April 30th:
Three locals have told me that I look tired in the last few days, so apparently I must really look as tired as I feel! Got some good sleep last night, but between the heat and my allergies I don't have as much energy as usual.
Yesterday I told the "rowdy" class that whoever did not bring their homework today would go to the principal. Four students failed to bring it! We ended up sitting with our hands folded again; it was unbelievable to see how many of them kept pushing and pushing - talking, moving their desks, throwing pieces of eraser - primarily the four who didn't turn in their homework. In the end, I took them to the principal, but I'm not sure what their discipline was.
During the break I graded papers and watched Matt and Brad play soccer with the kids. Three first grade girls came up spontaneously and gave me hugs, held my hand, and told me their names. It was nice to get so much love! I definitely count that as one of God's blessings. During the break, I also gave the curriculum coordinator the names of the students who have turned in less than three of the six homework sets I have assigned. He is anxious to have their grades improve, but I told him that they can't improve if they aren't turning in homework. He agreed and said he would talk to them.
My 12:15 class went well. I feel like I can have a little more fun with their group - even if they are being noisy, they will respond and quiet down when I speak to them. We were about 15 minutes into the lesson when the curriculum coordinator and the principal came into the room. They asked if they could interrupt for about 5 minutes, then proceeded to call the names of the kids on my "no homework" list. They made them stand at the front of the classroom and went through each one, scolding them for only turning in ___ homework sets out of the six. It was an agonizing process, especially as I watched the students sit back down somewhat disheartened. After the principal and c.c. left, I took a minute to tell the class that when they get in trouble, I feel like I am getting punished too. I want to help them and encourage them, but can't make them turn in their homework. They seemed to respond positively - several of the students who had been reprimanded came up and asked me what they needed to turn in. The c.c. and principal went into the classroom next door and gave the same lecture (I felt sorry for the teacher who was overseeing the class at the time). It is sad to see how they used shame to achieve compliance, instead of showing the students that they have a teacher who wants them to learn and grow and cares enough for them to say something about their poor performance... something I pray that God will allow me to demonstrate to my kids, little by little, day by day.
Met with the curriculum coordinator afterwards since a parent had complained / given suggestions for improvement regarding my tests. I was able to answer two of the three complaints satisfactorily - 1. I grade every piece of homework they turn in 2. I give them the answer to the bonus question (ex: What is mercy?) in class and write it on the board to see if they are paying attention. The third was a suggestion that I move the number of points possible from the beginning of the question to the end and use the term "marks" instead of points. All I could do was smile and say, "Sure" (which is exactly how the curriculum coordinator felt too).
A little after 1pm, I walked down to the market to T's office (from the orphanage). Since leaving her position at the orphanage, she is working for Heartland Alliance, which provides free legal counsel to Iraqi's. Their office is on the fourth floor of what looks like a clothing department store. When I arrived, she introduced me to her boss as "Helen Mezuri," which generated some conversation. After finishing up the monthly report she was writing, we explored the market, ate a bag of chips, looked at jewelry, and got some tamarind juice (I'd never tried it before - sort of sweet and sour). I enjoyed talking with T and asking her questions. She is forward-thinking and has some interesting ideas. Found myself praying often that God would give me the words to stay and keep me from inadvertently doing things that would be disrespectful. T introduced me to some of her distant relatives who own different stalls in the market, so I will be able to shop there in the future.
Came home and made the salad for tonight's team meeting. Mary made lasagna soup, and Julie and I had the sides - bread and salad. We Skyped with Dave and Lisa, then had a fire on the roof with a cheesecake dessert that Lisa made. Felt that I needed to walk in the strength of the Lord many times today, and was grateful to see the many ways He met that need. I am finding that it is possible to stay positive when I am resting in His strength. I used to get so discouraged, even depressed for months on end. Now, I can go into situations and instead of focusing on my shortcomings, I simply ask God to show me what He is doing. The stress to be successful, get things done, and see results melts away - I see that all things are ordained by Him and that He delights to be my strength through every situation.
Lately, external negativity seems to encroach on my joy in the Lord. All around me people are discouraged, stressed, and frustrated ... it becomes draining. But then I realize that this is just one more area I need to rely on the Lord for strength. He endured much greater negativity, but continued steadfastly in the will of His Father. By Christ's example, I know that it is possible to remain positive, but need the daily remainder that it is in His strength alone. I can't depend on myself to know how to comfort others, alleviate their stress, or calm their frustrations, I must continually turn to the Lord to give me patience and wisdom, ultimately trusting Him to meet their needs.
