October 7th and 8th: Come to Me ... And I Will Give You Rest

Sunday, October 7th and Monday, October 8th:
I am combining the last two days, since they have just rolled into one long day. I've had a hard time physically. On the way to Erbil, I reached behind the seat to get something and scratched myself on a staple that was sticking out of the back of it! I think the scratch has gotten infected. I've been dousing it with peroxide and keeping neosporin on it pretty regularly. I also think I am fighting off a stomach bug. My face seems to be experiencing an allergic reaction (might be a result of the stomach bug). On top of all that, I've been extremely tired (barely able to keep my eyes open during Sunday's classes).

After "making it through my classes" (which is a terrible feeling since I usually LOVE teaching), I came home and took a nap on both days. I've finished just enough grading to get by. Last night (Sunday), Mary had us over for spaghetti, which was amazing. Just as we finished eating, a sound outside prompted us to leap up from our chairs and head for the windows. We moved up to the roof where Sarah and I danced in the RAIN! It was dirty, but we hope this means the beginning of Fall weather...

At 4pm today (Monday), we had our team devotional time. I was feeling better, which was an answer to prayer as I didn't want to drag down our time together. We read part of Jeremiah 10 and Colossians 3, then sang some hymns together. It was an encouraging time, especially as we shared prayer requests. I have been struggling with the silence that seems to drag on day after day. Trials are easier to bear when we see a loving Father behind them, but when He does not seem to answer, every day feels full of affliction. For the past week, Spurgeon has been talking about the love of God, His ability to fill us so that we can walk in His strength, His never-ending supply. My heart wants to know more of this, but it feels so empty. Physical struggles have only amplified my sense of weakness. Today I realized that instead of demanding spiritual growth, I need to wait on Him - "though He slay me, yet will I trust Him." Though He hasn't revealed anything life-changing in the past few days, I know He has provided just enough spiritual strength for each day's trials (and time to rest from them). My goal for this week: Remember His promises, see how He is providing, and be thankful that He is enough!

After team time, all of us went to dinner at a restaurant recommended by Andy and Lisa. It is similar to the "Sheep Restaurant" but it has an upper-level with high chairs for the babies. Enjoyed eating together, came home to finish a little schoolwork, then off to an early bedtime.

September 29th and 30th: Outside of the Classroom Moments

Saturday, September 29th:
Woke up and wrote out a plan for my day, hoping to prevent time from slipping by without being able to provide a good account of my time. After devotions, I caught up on correspondence, did some laundry and vacuumed. At 11am, I was able to Skype my friend who is serving in the Philippines as a teacher for MKs. It is encouraging to hear how things are going in her part of the world and share common experiences.

Afterwards, I read through my blog from last year. It was a good reminder of God's faithfulness and how much He has taught me, especially when I compare this first month with last year's first month. I spent some time reflecting, then graded papers while listening to a lecture. By then it was close to 4pm. Sarah and I decided to go to Sarky's for dinner. We got ready and walked up the street to the place where Stacy and I had become regulars. We ordered half cheese and half veggie (the same thing Stacy and I would order). It was nice to get out of the house. On the way home, we walked by "Sam's Club" (our American name for it) - the store where you can buy things in bulk. I went there for the first time in May and discovered that they had Oreos! Unfortunately, they didn't have any this time. Sarah bought a box of caramels instead.

When we got home, I wrote up my test for Monday so I could get it copied early. I also made up a set of questions for my students to complete as a teacher evaluation. At the beginning of the year, when the students had to write out three goals for the year, I shared my goals with them. I explained that while I want them to improve in Math, I want to improve as a teacher. I hope the evaluation will provide some insight for more effective teaching in this culture, and not simply provide an opportunity to complain and criticize. If nothing else, I want my students to know that I need to learn too and that it is important that my teaching benefit them.

Based on their multiple intelligences results, I created a project for Phase 2 that will allow them to work with a math concept in a way that relates to their learning style. They have to pick one math idea that we've discussed so far and present it in one of five ways. 1. Write a song/poem (musical learners) 2. Conduct a survey and present the data (spacial learners) 3. Debate about the topic (interpersonal and linguistic) 4. Create and act out a news announcement (kinetic) 4. Create a complex problem that incorporates multiple math concepts (logical mathematical, intrapersonal). After writing up the instructions and a form for each student to fill out, explaining their project, I cleaned the bathroom, which completed my checklist for the day.

Sarah and I went over to John and Mary's to hang out after Henry went to bed. While we watched an episode of Monk, I wrote out answer keys so the students could correct their homework tomorrow. Lots of copies to make ...

Sunday, September 30th:
Got off to a hard start this morning. When Mary, Sarah, and I arrived at school the copy room was full of teachers needing copies. I ended up being late for my class as I waited for the copies for my first lesson. I was chiding myself on the way to class when I walked by the new vice principal (who is in charge of attendance). I'm pretty sure he had just been by my classroom ... and I wasn't there. To add to that, I had just written up the teacher evaluation, which includes a question about whether or not I come to class prepared. Ugh.

When I walked in, only two students were working on the warm-up. It was disheartening after I've tried to drill that procedure into them day after day after day. I reminded them of my expectation, then took a deep breath and asked the Lord to help me get back on track. Remembering my goal from last year, I asked to walk in His strength despite my feelings of inadequacy and unpreparedness. Peace came, and we moved on with the lesson. It was inside-out day, so I had a steady stream of students going to the bathroom to flip around their clothing. Lots of disruptions, but we made it through the material. I made a conscious effort to talk to one of the newer students. He is always eager to answer questions, but doesn't realize that I call on some of the weaker students to get their attention or check on their understanding. I want my better students to know that I care about them too, even though a lot of my free time is taken up disciplining the disruptive ones.

When I opened the door into my next class, I was not prepared for the scene that followed. Two of the boys, Sawyer and Manning [I just got looked those up on a baby names website...], were in the middle of a fight. Sawyer's glasses went flying and the punches got harder. I moved as quickly as I could to separate them and several of the boys intervened as well. We went out into the hallway. Sawyer is usually the goof-off  of the class, turning everything into a joke. (He was the one who called me a name in front of the 6th graders.) As he wiped away the tears, I could tell that he was really angry and offended. Manning transferred from the other class because they were always making fun of him, but I haven't noticed him fitting in any better. Between blocking kicks and deflecting punches, I was able to figure out that Sawyer had tried to trip Manning, then Manning had proceeded to call him (and his mother) a stream of ugly names. Two of the bigger boys in the class stepped in as intermediaries. The way they handle conflict never ceases to amaze me. Each one acts as a representative of the other. While keeping the fighters separated, they hash out what happened, allowing the accused and defendant to interject comments every-so-often. Eventually, everything that needs to be said has been discussed. On occasion, the representatives will get upset with each other, and then another representative will step in. I decided to let them work things out and went back into class to  pass back homework and check on their warm-up problems. After five minutes, the argument still wasn't over. I asked the Lord for wisdom as I stepped into the hallway. "Sawyer, you need to forgive Manning. What do you think Manning deserves?" Sawyer spat out something in Kurdish and raised a fist. "Sawyer, I know that is what you would like to do, but God says we must be merciful. Do you remember how you said something mean about me in front of the sixth graders?" Sawyer glances up. Embarrassment has replaced the anger in his eyes. "Did you get what you deserved?" Sawyer shakes his head, all the fury is gone. I turn to Manning. "Remember how the boys in 5B made fun of you? It doesn't feel good does it? And how many times have I been kind to you when you were being made fun of?" Manning's defiance is gone as he mutters, "Lots." "Boys, forgive each other and shake hands." They turn towards each other. The rest of us are poised to block a stealthy kick, but they shake hands and mumble apologies. As I thought about it later, with an aching back and bruised arms, I couldn't help but wonder if the illustration of that scenario will ever be explained to them. Will there be a day when they will come to know the Representative who has plead our case, taken our punishment, and forgiven us freely?

The class was amazingly quiet and attentive after that. Part way through the lesson, I noticed one of the girls, Sadie, in tears. Oh no... And then I caught some of the girls passing notes. After the lesson, I took Sadie in the hallway and she explained that Prissy (no surprise there) had written a note excluding her and another girl (Maddie) from the "best friends" group. Maddie tried to make Sadie promise not to talk to Prissy anymore. I sent Sadie back inside and pulled Prissy and Maddie into the hallway. Prissy tried to say that she didn't mean it in a bad way - "they aren't my best friends, they're my sisters." I could have rolled my eyes, but I didn't. I explained that sometimes what we say can be taken the wrong way and we need to make sure of our friends. I also told Maddie that she needed to be forgiving. As I headed off to my next class, I put Vanessa (she likes to roll her eyes at me) in charge of peacemaking.

After that class, I was exhausted and couldn't imagine teaching one more class before my break. Thankfully, the Lord provided strength. As I walked up to my class, one of the other teachers was standing in the doorway telling my class to be quiet. A rough day for others' perceptions of me ... guess I need to learn this lesson. No one was working on the warm-up. I could've cried. They are usually my best class. I explained (again) that they need to work on the warm-up quietly even if I'm not there. I am usually a few minutes late because I have to walk from the farthest point in the school to get to their class. We had a good lesson after that. They are excited about their projects, so I hope they will put a lot of effort into them.

During the break, I read one of the notes from 5A that I had confiscated. In it, Prissy tells Vanessa that "we are together and we don't care about the others, even when they are fighting and crying because we aren't their best friends" (paraphrased) and then she wrote, "ha. ha. ha." Out of all the notes floating around, it was providential that that was the note I had confiscated. It proved my suspicion that Prissy was intentionally being mean. I went upstairs to take the attendance for my first class (I had forgotten during the chaos). As I walked by their classroom, Prissy was just returning from the bathroom ... another providential moment. She stopped to talk to me and I told her that I had read her note to Vanessa. She acknowledged that she was being mean, but tried to excuse herself, "I am trying to be nice to Maddie now, but she won't talk to me. I try and I try and I try." I asked Prissy if she remembered how she had treated me when I first came to the school. "You weren't very nice were you?" She shook her head, "No, I wasn't." "Remember how I had to be nice to you day after day even though you weren't very nice to me?" "Yes..." "You have to keep being kind, even if they aren't kind back to you. You are a leader in that class ... even if you don't want to be," I add the last part as she shook her head. "Maddie looks up to you, but is afraid you will hurt her again. You need to earn her trust." "Yes, Miss."

My last sixth grade class went fairly well, apart from two major interruptions. During the warm-up, one of the teachers sent a student to our room to collect textbooks so he could use them in the other sixth grade class. We were in the middle of the lesson when the new vice principal came in and introduced himself to the class and gave a long speech about taking care of their school. It was hard to keep their attention after that. One student said to me, "Miss, you are lucky." "How's that?" "Your class was interrupted twice." That was the first time I've heard them use sarcasm. It took me a minute to understand, but it made my day. (Is that a good thing?)

As I walked to the teacher room, my third graders from last year were in the garden for their break. One of them came up and asked me to take a bag of chips to her friend who was still in the class. (They aren't allowed to go back into the building during breaks). I took the chips upstairs and got to say "hello" to several of my old students. They were happy to see me and I got lots of hugs and handshakes. It turns out I am teaching some of their older brothers and sisters in sixth grade! As I left, two of my girls from 5B invited me to sit with them. They put me right in between them, and we talked about their other classes, what they want to do in the future. I got lots of hugs as I left. Even more hugs when I stepped outside and all the students were returning to their classes. Each hug was a blessing from God, encouraging me that though I was not prepared for this day, I was walking in His strength through moments that had been planned entirely by Him.

I spoke with the principal as I caught him alone in passing. I apologized for my students coming to him with problems. I explained that they were asking to go to the bathroom, but going for him instead. He responded, "Do not believe them, Miss. They will lie to you." I explained that I wanted to trust my students to be responsible, but would be more careful about where they went. I apologized again and assured him I would do my best to handle issues inside of the classroom. I felt that it was an opportune moment to try to make things right between us, and tried not to use it as a means of defending myself. It seemed to be taken in the right spirit.

During Sarah's last class, I visited with teachers in the break room. At 1pm, Sarah and I walked home. After we ate some leftover pizza together, I laid on my bed and pretended I was back home getting cranio-sacral therapy. My body ached all over after getting pummeled by punches that weren't intended for me. I felt a little better afterwards. Skyped with my family at 5pm. Eithen broke his elbow the other night. Poor baby ... I wish I could be there to cuddle him and even more, be there when he goes to the hospital for a possible surgery this week.

Sarah and I went over to John and Mary's for dinner. Henry is not feeling well, so I got to cuddle him (instead of Eithen). Mary made Jamaican spinach soup and grilled cheese. Soooo good - spicy, flavorful, toasty, and the perfect Fall meal! By the time we left, Henry had a fever. Praying for the little guy and hoping he doesn't get worse.

Early bedtime ... test tomorrow. Thankful for those moments outside of the classroom that catch me off guard, but make me rely on God. I feel utterly useless and can only watch in amazement as He works through me to teach an unexpected lesson.

September 23rd and 24th: Baby (chick) Steps Forward

Sunday, September 23rd:

Despite the uncertain start to our day (with the school rep picking us up and Mary needing an escort to class), God blessed in tremendous ways! My first class went well. "Pedro" is really trying hard in class and I haven't had to reprimand him. In fact, he came up to me at the beginning of class to find out which homework assignments he is missing. We did an activity in class that I guessed my first class would like, but my second class would probably hesitate over. I had them make their own multiplication tables. The first class dove right in; students asking me if they were doing it correctly after they were already halfway through. My second class was as predicted. "Miss, we don't understand." "What, Miss?" Interestingly, when we used the class as a multiplication table (R is in the first row, first seat, he would be 1. S is in the second row, third seat, so what number would she be? 6), the students who have the hardest time sitting still and paying attention were able to answer the fastest.

My sixth grade classes were amazing! On Thursday I told them to come prepared for a discussion about why God created math. Many tried to give me their answers at the beginning of class, but I made them wait until the last fifteen minutes.

"A week ago we learned that God created math when He created the earth. So, today we're going to talk about why God created math."

I got all kinds of answers. "So Adam could count the animals." "So God could number the stars." "So we can go to the market and buy things" ... I stopped the discussion, "Wait a minute, did Adam go the market?" Bursts of laughter. "So if Adam didn't need to buy things, why would God create math at the beginning? You are giving me ways we use math, but think about a tornado. How do you know a tornado has been through the area?"

"Because of the carnage." (Big vocab word. You can tell Miss Julie was their literature teacher last year.)

"Right, because of the things you see on the ground, the effects of the tornado. You are giving me the effects of math. But explain to me the tornado itself. Why did God create math?"

The students started getting closer and closer, "So we can learn." "To understand."

"To understand what?"

One student answered, "Gravity."

"Now you are getting closer. What other laws of nature does math help us understand?"

We made a long list including the rising and setting of the sun, our breathing and heartbeat, the existence of the mountains, land, and water.

"We take these things for granted. We know them to be true. But what defines them? How do we explain them?"

The light is beginning to dawn on their faces. "Math?"

"Exactly! Math provides us with a framework to understand ..."

"God's creation!"

In one of my classes, a student piped up, "Miss, we don't have to worry about those things because God rules them. He makes sure they happen." I explained that God controls them, but has given us math to understand them. She replied, "Oh ... so then we can develop the earth based on what we know." Exactly. Math is important.

Such an answer to prayer, especially with these students who have so fiercely resisted my "new" style of teaching. I had students telling me at the break that this is the first year they have actually done well in math. Others are more subjective, “Miss, every year I HATE math, but this year, I love math.” And then I had a teacher come up to me. "Miss, the students were asking me a question that I think you had asked them." I sucked in my breath, "Uh-huh." "Something about the natural elements and why is math important. I told them I didn't know. I hate math! Then they told me that Miss Helen says, 'Math is everywhere. That it explains all the nature around us.' This is really good Miss. Before, they only have teachers that tell them that math is numbers and plus and minus. They don't understand that it is important and that they need it all the time." I am relieved. And then I am thrilled. The students' understanding of what I am teaching them is growing. Multiplying really. If each student passes on one idea to two of their friends, the exponential effects of that ... well, eternity will tell! :)

After school, we had a fun surprise. The shipment from America came in! They brought the gray crates into the resource area and started cutting off strip ties. After counting up our boxes and checking the contents, we (and by that I mean, Andy, John, and one of the school guards) carted them back down the hill to a taxi. Several students asked about the boxes, but only one of them offered to help us load them into the taxi (I was very pleased that he was one of my students!) Once we arrived home, we dove into the boxes and unloaded them. I brought a lot of books and school supplies (special prizes for the students who meet their goals at the end of the semester). Unfortunately, the drill that Grandpa gave me is missing. I will have to find out if it is still in America or got lost in transit. At 5pm, I was able to Skype with the family, which is always an encouragement.

Monday, September 24th:

We were given a ride to school again this morning. After her first class, Mary went with the school administration to the security office to file an official complaint regarding the Facebook threat. We hoped she would be back before John needed to teach his classes, but we had a backup plan just in case.

Grade 5B started out noisier than yesterday. “Pedro” is still doing well. By the end of class, I had written a lot of names on the board since students were out of their seats and talking to each other. As I was showing students their phase averages (grades), someone erased all the names. Still trying to figure out how to deal with that problem… We had a discussion at the end of both fifth grade classes about facts. Our discussion led in the same direction as sixth grade, but I wanted to use terms that they are using in math. We made the connection that facts are not just “multiplication facts” and “addition facts,” but truth and reality. We listed examples of facts on the board. Then I asked them how we explain facts to other people. “In English.” “Arabic.” “Kurdish.” “No, we use a universal language. Do you know what it is?” In 5B (despite the growing chaos), one student guessed it. “Math!”

6B is usually my best class, but today they were pretty noisy. We worked through the lesson and then I had them work quietly on the problems while I showed everyone their phase grades. I hope it will help the less-motivated students to turn in their homework before the end of the phase. I ended up staying with them into the break to answer their questions and make sure they knew which assignments they were missing.

When I walked into 6A, they were silent. Yesterday I told them (I actually wrote it on the board since I couldn’t talk over them) that if I walked in and the entire class was working quietly on their warm-up problems AND they could listen quietly during the entire lesson, I would let them have a day of no homework. I was impressed that all of the students were trying so hard … especially since I came in half way through their break! They still had 15 minutes before class started. I let them off the hook and told them to enjoy their break. During the break, I talked with John and since Mary still wasn’t back from the police station, we went to our back-up plan. I explained to his 7^th grade class that I would be teaching them (well, supervising them) simultaneously with my 6^th grade class. They needed to read the lesson, then start working on the homework problems. If they weren’t working when I came back to check on them, they would have to copy sentences for me for the rest of class instead of going to the garden. I talked to two of my 6^th graders about cheating; then started class as everyone finished their warm-up. I was thankful that my 6^th graders wanted to impress me, since being out of our normal routine could have easily led to bedlam. After I explained the lesson, they started working on the problems in the book. I told them it would be really hard to earn a no-homework day since I would have to leave and check on 7^th grade and there would be opportunity to find them talking when I got back. They actually did really well. When I went back to 7^th grade, they were just finishing up the problems. I quizzed each student on the lesson before allowing them to leave, and then rushed back to 6^th grade. They were working quietly and I was able to reward them with no homework just as their next teacher walked in. Phew! The 45 minute session felt like ten minutes, but it was a good test to see how well my students can do when they know what is expected of them. Thankful to see the blessings…

I met H, her husband, C, and their son after school for juice and cookies. (I tutored her son last year and he is now going to CSM – an answer to prayer!) We drove to a place right around the corner from our house. I’d been there once before with Julie. It turns out that H and C know the owner; he was very friendly and generous. I had a pomegranate slushy and we ordered a variety of cookies that tasted really good. We had a nice talk and caught up on the events of the summer.

When I got home, I took a quick nap and finished grading homework. At 6, the team met up at John and Mary’s to find out how things went at the security office. On the way over, some of the neighborhood boys were coming up the stairs. They were holding a box with … baby chicks! Unfortunately, they only spoke Kurdish and mine doesn’t reach beyond market and taxi lingo. Through hand gestures, I realized that they were trying to give me the chicks! I told them I had nowhere to keep them, but they were insistent. Sarah came out and recorded some of our dialogue. After asking them what I would do with the chicks, they tried the little English they knew. “I love you. You take.” I finally remembered the magical phrase that means no. “Supas. Supas,” I said. Or “Thank you. Thank you.” Almost immediately, they picked up the box, turned and walked down the stairs. It was one of those random, awkward experiences that make for a good laugh. Over Pizza Hot and French Fries, Mary told us about her morning. She said the “report” went well – lots of people reassuring her that this was Duhok and she’d be safe. We were comforted knowing that Duhok is still in God’s control and we’d all be safe for that reason. Ice cream for dessert, then I played with Zander in the living room. Henry got new toys in the shipment from America, so we built a city out of foam blocks. Henry joined us. At point he could not stop giggling as we knocked over the blocks and tossed them in his direction. A fun way to end the evening.

September 15th and 16th: Ready, Set, Ad Lib

Saturday, September 15th:
Arrived back in Duhok around 10am. Sarah greeted me at the door. We sat around the table and talked about our weekends. Took a shower, did some laundry, and caught up on emails. Around noon, Sarah and I went over to John and Mary's for waffles and catching up. John and Mary had gone to Assyrian engagement party the night before and the night before that, Sarah went a celebration with an Assyrian family from the school. We laughed about our "very Assyrian weekend!"

Laid low and prepared for school. I thought I would be exhausted and ready for an early bedtime, but my body wasn't back on the early night/early morning schedule. I was able to get a lot accomplished, and then Mom and I Skyped until 11:30pm.

Sunday, September 16th:
Thankfully I didn't have any problems getting up this morning. It might be more difficult tomorrow once all the activities of the weekend have finally caught up with me. Sarah, Mary, and I left at 8am so we could make copies before our classes. We all had fairly important copies to make, but when we arrived, we were greeted with, "All out of paper, Miss." Time to ad lib...

My first class had not behaved well for Sarah, so withholding the test was providential. For their warm-up, they had to answer the following questions: 1. Were you good for Miss Sarah? 2. How could you have behaved better? 3. What do you deserve? Sarah had marked down the names of the most disrespectful student, and I handed them sentences to copy for the duration of the class. For the rest, I read true/false statements aloud and they had to mark the answers on a piece of paper. The questions are supposed to identify their learning style, and I am prayerful that this will help me structure the class in a more effective manner. Overall, the students were attentive. I felt that I was unusually strict with them, so much so that it was hard to break that demeanor for the next class, but I hope they realized that I was serious about good behavior for subbing teachers.

My next three classes went well. I used the same ad lib lesson plan, though it was rather tedious to repeat the questions (and explain them one, two, three times). The school eventually got paper, and my copies were finished by the break. Hopefully I will be able to give the test tomorrow without any hiccups and we can try to catch up somewhere during the week. At noon, I subbed for another teacher's second grade class. Again, I had to ad lib a lesson. We identified and drew patterns, which eventually morphed that into what they are learning in math right now (smallest to largest). It would be nice to see the younger grades learn that math is really a tool we use to identify and create patterns. I think most view it as foreign language or a rule book of formulas, not something with practical applications.

Since leaving for the weekend, Sarah is more comfortable getting around on her own. She walked home after her class, so I stayed until school was finished at 2:30pm. It was nice to catch up with my kids as they piled into their buses. Even though I hadn't asked for it, I was given the opportunity to talk to four students who had been heavy on my heart for various reasons.

Enjoyed time for reflection during my quiet walk home. It was warm, but not unbearable. Once home, I graded a good portion of my papers, then Skyped with Dad and two of the boys before they went to church. At 6pm, the team met up at Vin House (the hamburger restaurant.) I had a delicious chicken burger with fries and coleslaw. Almost as good as home! Afterwards, we got ice cream at the shop next door. I had a really good red slushy. It hit the spot!

Came home and finished grading. Pictures of me at the village are all over Facebook. It is easy to imagine, especially in the midst of all the topsy-turvy-ness that surrounds us everyday, that the pictures will somehow give rise to false accusations. Each time I see a new post, my mind turns towards those thoughts, and I push down the fear that rises into my throat, threatening to choke me. Idle words of defense come to mind, and then I plunge deeper into worry over what others might think. Amid the fiery darts of the evil one and despite my fleshly panic, God keeps reminding me that I must rest in Him. I am learning that one of my greatest fears is the loss of self. One of the lectures I listened to talked about this kind of anxiety- not a healthy fear that spurs the adrenaline rush that sends us flying across the road when a car is barreling towards us - but an unhealthy, unreasonable fear that arises when something that gave us identity, something that made us feel we had control is stripped away. Combine this with another lecture about our treasures ... The example given was money. We use money as either a symbol of our status (exalting ourselves) or as our security (protecting ourselves). It follows then that our identity is wrapped up in what we treasure. When that treasure is threatened, anxiety arises not so much for the treasure itself, but because we are afraid of losing our identity.

Conclusion: Fear reveals our treasure. (Think of the ruse Sherlock Holmes used to uncover a compromising letter. Fearful that her house was burning, the woman revealed her hiding place to save her treasure.)

Based on the fear that has arisen in the last 24 hours, I keep asking myself, "What is my treasure?" Perhaps it goes deeper than this, but I know that how others view me is at least part of the package. The lecture on treasure goes on to say that Jesus is the only treasure who died so that we could have Him. Every other treasure will demand that we die in order to obtain it. The treasure I seek to obtain, worth in the sight of others, is drowning me in a sea of "what ifs." What is the remedy? Delight in the Lord as my treasure. Delight in God rather than self. I am not certain that I know how to do this yet, but tonight I am resting in His Word, finding peace in the knowledge that though I am unworthy, God delights in me:

"For the Lord's portion is his people; Jacob is the lot of his inheritance. He found him in a desert land, and in the waste howling wilderness; he led him about, he instructed him, he kept him as the apple of his eye."

September 9th and 10th: A Few of My Favorite Things

Sunday, September 9th:
Happy news - I found out this weekend that I am getting paid more per class than last semester. Barring any surprise expenses, I hope to save up enough for a roundtrip ticket for Mom so she can come visit me (when she gets here, then I'll tell Dad that I could only afford a one-way!) :) Caleb is already planning on coming in December, but I don't think he will be able to make the trip alone. John, Mary and Sarah are planning on going home for Christmas break; Andy, Lisa and the kids will go visit another country then, so it would be nice to have Mom and Caleb here.

The highlight of the day occurred in my second class (5A). Following a very simple lesson from our book, I used the last fifteen minutes of class to ask the class, "Where did math begin?"
They spent several minutes guessing.
"Rome."
"America."
"Egypt."
At last, one student whispered something about Adam and Eve.
"Right! God created math when He created the earth."
Thoughtful looks.
"Well let's talk about it. Did man create math?"
Some students try to give examples of ways that we have "created" math, but I explain that we simply invented the symbols that help us explain math.
Another student points out that Adam didn't have the symbols, but he counted the animals.
"Exactly!" (My heart is beating faster and I know my excitement is evident.)
"So how do we know that 1 x 3 will still be 3 tomorrow?" Pause. "Think about this and come ready with an answer tomorrow. I'll give you a hint, it has something to do with the fact that it was created and Who created it."

During a break between classes, I had two girls come up to me and tell me they like math now. "You actually explain the lesson, Miss!" It was neat to see them so excited. They added, "We really like the 1 finger, 2 finger system too." Music to a teacher's ears! :)

My first class was pretty rowdy, so I ended up keeping five of the students during their long break, which meant they had to spend 15 minutes in my 6th grade class. It was tough, but as we talked about their behavior afterwards, each one responded with how they could be better tomorrow. Praying that there will be a break-through with each of my students.

Sarah and I had just started walking home, when one of the teachers offered us a ride. This particular teacher has been very friendly with John and Mary, and I got to know her a little bit last year. Most of her children are grown, and she is motherly in her concern for us. Thankful for the relationships with teachers and trusting that they will continue to develop.

Completed a lot of grading, just in time to Skype with the family. The computer made the rounds ... poor Dad went last and probably had the shortest amount of time since I had to leave so we could meet the team at Dream City. Andy and John have been under the weather the last two days, but feeling a little better today. We stopped in at the cafeteria and had some dinner, then went on the Ferris Wheel for a view of the city. There is no set number of cycles; we simply asked the operator to stop when we were finished. Apparently he couldn't stop the ride after just letting a new group on, so we had to wait to go around once more. :)

Sarah and I made a quick Mazi run afterwards (Dream City and Mazi are right next to each other.) We picked up groceries for Wednesday night's team dinner and a few other odds and ends. I had a migraine (they have been coming on more frequently this week) and my low back has started hurting again. I wore tennis shoes to Dream City, hoping that would alleviate some of the pain. God was very good to me and gave me the strength to be with everyone and get what we needed at Mazi. I even found a storage basket for my room, which I've been shopping for around town very unsuccessfully.

As I ended the night, I did some research on math, its origin, and how it shapes our view of the world. I found this interesting fact: "The New York Times reported that mathematicians believe in God at a rate 2 1/2 times that of biologists, quoting a survey of the National Academy of Sciences." Encouraged to know that there is a reason to teach math!

Monday, September 10th:
Talk S-L-O-W-E-R, talk S*L*O*W*E*R, talk S.L.O.W.E.R ... my mind kept repeating that over and over again today. Apparently some of the sixth grade students sit through an entire session without understanding half of what I've said. The primary student who keeps mentioning it likes to complain about everything, so I'm not convinced that it is simply my Western accent that is the problem. However, I know that I need to talk slower anyway ... based on a few experiments today, attention increases dramatically when I enunciate my words.

My first class was attentive up until the last 10 minutes. They can get a little talkative. However, I am focusing my efforts on some of the students that really use disruption to get attention. I read a website about classroom discipline and implemented some of their suggestions, including:
Give them extra responsibilities
Let them determine the consequence for misbehavior
Don't address them from the front of the class, but talk quietly at their desk

I tried to really think through each disruption that arose without allowing it to take too much time. Talking slower helped me process a little faster! I tried having the discussion from yesterday about "where did math begin?" with my first class, but they are less enthusiastic. I really have to remember that they prefer manipulative interaction! (I usually end up making four separate lesson plans for two math classes!)

My discussion in 5A was much more productive. The students came ready with their answers and could hardly wait until the last 15 minutes of class to talk about it.
"Math stays the same because God created it!"
"Good! But why does it stay the same? What happens to things that you and I create?"
We talked about making pots and drawing happy faces. "See how they change each time I create it? What do we know about God that explains why math stays the same?"
"He is the same!"
"Very good!"
We laughed at how difficult tests would be if math "facts" changed every day. How would you know the right answer?
At the end, I asked them to look up the word, "Constant." "This is a math term," I explained, "And you will find that it is a word that describes God too. We can be thankful that a constant God created math!"

In my sixth grade classes we reviewed Linear Measurement, but we also discussed mastery of a subject. They are constantly telling me before a lesson, "Miss, we already KNOW this." So today I wanted them to see that understanding isn't enough. They need to be able to apply, analyze, and evaluate. We talked about several examples of how we grow in our understanding - from how pencil sharpers work to toddlers asking why to my understanding of how to navigate around Duhok. It would be far from the truth to say that they were engrossed, but I hope they were at least challenged. And I did try to talk slower!

Exciting news! We got our residency cards today! This time around was sooo much easier! Definitely an answer to prayer.

When Sarah and I got home, I graded more papers (that is a recurring theme lately). Thankfully, I've discovered that listening to lectures while I grade doesn't make it seem so tedious. If my brain isn't focusing on something besides grading, all I can think of is how good a snack would be, or how uncomfortable I am, or how much longer this will take. :) Yesterday, I listened to a message on work - the primary goal of our work ought to be to help others. Today I listened to a message on greed, and I listened to it again. I am still in the digesting phase. It will probably take a few more times before I start to understand the application.

As I've been grading, I've also been asking myself, what is the relevancy of math? As a student, I was always self-motivated to learn math. My math professors in college rarely gave me any practical reason to further my studies, and it was my own interest that kept me motivated. However, I know that not all of my students have that inclination (in fact the majority do not.) As their teacher, I want to see my students interested in math, excited about the possibilities to learn more and the opportunities math will provide them. The question is, "How do I go about it?"

One student has already won my heart. He asked me a question today related to Algebra 2 and told me that he and his father are studying it at home! I can see his eyes light up when we talk about math and I love grading his papers - neat, orderly, easy to read, all the steps to solving the problem and the answer clearly given. It is motivating as a teacher to work with students who are excited to learn!

Around 5, we went over to John and Mary's for Pizza Hot pizza. Just as we sat down to eat, Plop. An olive landed in the ketchup on my plate. Thanks, John! I think that would go down in the Duhok Book of Memories... if it existed. Came home for more ... grading ... and an early bed. I didn't sleep very well last night, so I hope tonight will be better!

September 1st and 2nd: The Calm Before the Storm

September 1st:
We went to Fellowship this morning. (It has been switched to Saturdays for the summer.) It was nice to see everyone again. The lesson was on Luke 22, looking at Jesus as a teacher. I was challenged and encouraged to be the kind of teacher that: leads by example, models submission, meets my students in their failings, and serves them.

After fellowship, John, Mary, Sarah and I went to the Western Union at Mazi to pick up our wire. Thankfully, they were open! When we got home, I read, listened to a lecture, finished the artwork in my room and tried to keep it a day of rest.

Making my space more personal:

My goal for this year is to delight in the Lord. I don't want to simply be happy because of what He has given me, or what He is doing in my life, I want to find my happiness in Who He is. I want to learn to satisfy myself with Him. I want to delight in Him so that His joy becomes my joy, and His purpose, my purpose. I'm not exactly sure what this goal will look like in the practical sense, but I know it will require laying aside other desires and clinging to the Lord only. Through this year, I pray God will show me what it means to delight in the Lord.

The furniture was delivered around 6pm. We were so excited! Sarah's space looks like a bedroom now. She was able to arrange the furniture and start getting settled in. Mary invited us over for dinner, which was delicious! She made spinach pasta with rosemary bread. It was nice to hang out with John and Mary. Henry is growing up fast. He is now eating solids (though he doesn't always appreciate them) and can use the dining room chair like a walker. With school starting tomorrow, I was ready for an early bedtime.

The sunset a few evenings ago:

September 2nd:

The first day of school! As a student, I loved the first day of school - getting to know the teacher, meeting my classmates, wearing a new school outfit, and learning what the teacher expected of us. It was fun to have the same excitement, but this time as the teacher!

For homework, the students who came last week, had to write a letter and introduce themselves. It was fun to read their letters and learn about their likes/dislikes, families, and favorite ways to spend their free time.   We reviewed the rules and procedures; it was nice to see how many of the students remembered! There were a few boys in the first class who decided to test my discipline policy, so they ended up losing their long break. Unfortunately (for them or for me, I'm not sure yet) I teach during the first 15 minutes of their break. About 5 minutes before their break, I sent one of my 6th grade students to bring the four boys down to our classroom. They had to sit in my class for 15 minutes, then sit on the wall for the remainder of the break. I think it was humbling for them to sit in front of a group of older students; but it was also challenging for me to teach with the added distraction. Two of the students sat quietly, and I released them a few minutes early. The other two seemed to understand that I was serious about good behavior in class, so I hope we don't have to repeat that scenario every day.

My first three classes flew by. I remember praying silently as I erased the whiteboard that God would give me the right words to speak and the patience to teach well. I think the sessions were productive, but they became one big blur by the end. We covered a lot of material and I tried to use every opportunity to reinforce procedures.

During my break (between 10:45 and 11:15) I noticed that the snack shack was being mobbed again. Last year, Dan was the "controller" and would keep everyone in line (a concept that was foreign to them, but that they eventually mastered.) I stepped in, but am afraid I didn't do as well as Dan. Sarah caught me in action:

After classes, Sarah and I walked to the market and bought some hangers, changed dollars for dinar, and bought white-out (a must-have for school!) By the time we got home, we were pretty warm, but thankful for working splits! I did a little bit of school, then took a short nap (I woke up thinking, "Oh no! I'm late for school!" and was relieved when I realized it was three in the afternoon.) Read some teaching articles, made seating charts, and wrote a "Rules & Procedures" test. I've also decided to use "Free Homework" passes and "You were terrific today" coupons. I hope this will be an encouragement to the students who are trying their best each day.

Ate some leftover pizza before Skyping with the family. We inherited a microwave from Dan and Julie, so leftovers are a breeze! And leftover PIZZA made it feel like I was back in the States. Oh, the little things are so nice here! :)  Hannah is home this weekend. We got to Skype for the first time since I've been here. Jaden broke his arm and split his chin, so I got to see the cast and stitches. That kid is a wild one! I only hope he is still in one piece when I get home.

As I close for the evening, I am thankful knowing that it is in God's strength that I walk each day. He doesn't require me to do this alone. He is ever present.

August 25th and 26th: Back Up and Running!

Saturday, August 25th:

Arrived in Erbil around 3:30 pm with Andy, Lisa, Zander, Zephie, and my new roommate, Sarah. It seemed much easier to navigate the airport than last time, but I think it must have been because there were three extra sets of hands and a lot more experience! Driving from Erbil to Duhok, it didn't seem like we'd been gone all that long.

Bus ride home:

Sarah and Zephie

Andy and Lisa

Lisa and Zander

We got to our apartment about 7:20 pm after stopping at Newroz Telecom to pick up an internet card (so thankful they were actually open!)

We were greeted outside our door by the neighbor kids who promptly helped us take our bags up to the apartment. Andy turned on the water for us, we switched on the electricity and in no time at all everything was up and running. Sarah unpacked and moved into her room. I set up the internet and was successful in creating an adhoc wireless network for both of us to use - hello iPad!

Went to bed around 10, but couldn't fall asleep until after 2 am. It was hard to come to terms with the fact that I am really back here, that I am jumping into the ring again for round 2 with no guarantees that it will be any easier. As I lay in bed asking the Lord for help, I was reminded of a conversation with my best friend, Jessica. She was telling me that as we re-enter the arena God has called us to (whether it is having your 10th child or going back to a foreign country), we tend to remember the difficulties and trials, when we should be focusing on all the grace (at times extraordinary grace) that was given to meet those struggles. I pray that these next ten months will be evidence of that grace and the goodness of the One who provides it.

Sunday, August 26th:

Slept in later than I had planned, but Sarah and I got ready quickly so we could run our errands before the day got too hot. We left at 10 am and it was already about 90 F. I showed Sarah around the market and we picked up a new faucet for the entryway sink, a showerhead, and some miscellaneous items. I had to mentally prepare to face the barrage of staring eyes, smells, and feelings of complete cluelessness. I don't often pray for strength, endurance, and wisdom as I park at the grocery store back home, but it is something I do here every time I go to the market. After dropping off our things at home, we went to the nearby shops where we picked up some groceries - peanut butter, juice, water, chocolate (the essentials) :)

In the afternoon, I switched from tour guide to handyman:

Sarah and I cleaned house, hung up some pics...

...then rested during the heat of the day. I wasn't really feeling motivated to unpack, but dove in and got the job done. John and Mary had been delayed by a day, so it was a relief to hear they were in a taxi and on their way. Bishops, Sarah, and I met up at Sarky's for dinner, then brought back a pizza for the Nelsons. It was fun to hang out as a team again. I finally felt at home and able to thank the Lord for bringing me back. Missing Dan, Julie, and Stacy, but excited to see what this new year will bring.

May 27th through 28th (Days 140-141): Patience and Prayer

May 27th:
This morning I went over to John and Mary's for a French toast breakfast before heading off to school. It was a great start to a busy day. From 9 until 10, I oversaw the English final for one of my third grade classes. After the students finished, I had to make sure the corner of every final was folded over to hide the student's name. I meandered around the garden to visit with students, then when most of the tests had been turned in, I went back to the teacher room to help grade. John was there again, so we teamed up on the 7th grade finals. Afterwards we headed over to Andy and Lisa's for Zander's pool party! It was a splash, I mean, a blast! :) Got to help finish off the brownies, then Andy, Lisa, and I cleaned up from the party and headed out to the market. (Lisa got someone to watch the kids during their nap.) We had a good time at the market and explored some new stores. Andy and Lisa were able to find some gifts to take home.

After they dropped me off at the apartment, I got to work and did a ton of cleaning. Rolled carpets, washed floors, scrubbed the laundry room, did three loads of laundry, and moved furniture. Got the second bedroom ready for Sarah, my roommate next year. I was pretty tired by the time the Skype call came around. I got to Skype with Dad, Caleb, and Stephen at 7am (their time), then with Mom, Hannah, John, and Eithen up in Portland at 8am PST. Eithen kept giving me webcam kisses ... it hurt thinking about how nice it will be to get them in person.

Spent some time reading ... experiencing one of those moments when the body is too tired to sleep and the mind keeps right on moving. I think God is teaching me patience. The challenge is to lay aside what I am trying to attain and set it out of my thoughts. It is one thing to realize that God wants me to wait, but it is another to trust Him completely with the outcome.

May 28th:
After another yummy French toast breakfast with J&M, I spent most of the day cleaning. It was the kitchen's turn today. I cleaned out cupboards, scrubbed down walls, deep-cleaned the stove, and put away all the kitchen goodies that we got from Dan and Julie. It took a lot longer than I thought. The blessing was that my thinking turned into praying as I cleaned. It is amazing what the mind thinks to pray for while the hands are busy scrubbing. Among other things, I asked the Lord to help me be a better sister, daughter, and friend when I return home, and a better teammate when I return here in the fall. At noon, I took a little Henry-break. Since it was Mary's birthday, John took her out to lunch while I watched Henry during his naptime.

In the afternoon, I finished cleaning, took a shower and got ready to go back to their place for our team dinner. The group feels a lot smaller now that we are down to five adults. John picked up pizzas and "finger chips" from the local "Pizza Hot." We enjoyed a nice meal together ... or as Zander put it, "with the whole family." Mary made Oreo milkshakes (we found Oreos here the other day - SCORE!) for a yummy dessert. We sang "Happy Birthday" to Mary, then split up around 8, so the little ones could get to bed. Off to a relaxing evening...

May 19th through 20th (Days 132-133): My Mourning Into Dancing

Had a good conversation last night at the dinner with administration. I was able to talk to the curriculum coordinator about my adoption. Here it is very shameful to be adopted and everyone wants to say how sorry they are for you, but I was able to say how very grateful I am to be adopted. The curriculum coordinator thought about it for awhile and started to realize how amazing it was that my parents would love me and take me as their own when there are those who do not even care for their own flesh and blood.

May 19th:
Woke up feeling discouraged, still plagued by the "mosquitoes" of distraction and doubt. Talked to Pastor John and got a good book recommendation. Then I listened to part two of the shame lecture (again). Once more, it pulled all of the wandering ideas going through my mind into one concise thought. I saw that my bad attitude came from the shame of not living up to the expectations that I've placed on myself when I'm around my team and the fear of anticipated shame next year. The fear for next year has been rooted in finding my acceptance from those around me. After confessing this false standard that I've placed myself under and asking forgiveness for not seeking acceptance from God, my heart was emptied of all contempt and discouragement. In its place, thanksgiving and praise overflowed!

Went to the market with Lisa and Julie. I was really encouraged because we were able to find Lisa some great summer tops (which is not always easy since she has been blessed with above-average height - it does make it easier to pull down the clothes hanging way up high and helps us locate her, but she can't always find long shirts to wear here). Anyway, we were eight for eight!

I came back to the apartment and visited with Mary for awhile. We talked, played with Henry, played Bananagrams, and watched another part of "Our Mutual Friend." Around 4:30pm we went to an early dinner at Tantuni. The owner is very friendly and remembers his friend, Barzon (the name he has given Henry) every time. This time he actually gave us a juice for Henry! They like to start them young. :P Since we were near the market, we went to one of the shops and got a watch for Mary. Another shopping success in the same day!

We taxied from the market to Andy and Lisa's for team game night. What happens at team game night, stays at team game night. :P We were as goofy as ever. Of course playing Apples to Apples can bring out the best in all of us! We made S'Mores over the gas stove (we were going to have a fire on the roof, but it was raining.)

May 20th:
A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance. I know I was much more cheerful going to school today. God  had filled my heart with thankfulness yesterday and it continued to spill over, especially as I contemplated the magnitude of His love in my devotions.

My 9:15 class went fairly well until the very end. We played review tic-tac-toe. There were two teams. If the person I called on answered the review question correctly they could place an X or O on the board for their team. The kids had a lot of fun ... trying to use their best strategies to win the game. Two of the boys (from opposite teams) got into a fight at the end, but overall the class was well-behaved and I had a fun time with them. During my break I prepped to sub for Andy's 8th grade science class and 7th grade World Religions class. At 11, I had a party with my 3rd grade class. We played charades (which they didn't understand at first, but had fun once they caught on).

At 11:45 I dashed over to the 8th grade class. They were just finishing their break, so I had some time to set up the whiteboard for Review Jeopardy. I had prayed on the way to school and during every break that I would walk in the strength of the Lord (and not my own) to teach the class. With all the things I've heard from fellow teachers, I was a little apprehensive... When the eight graders came into class, I warned them that if they misbehaved I would have to take them with me to my 4th grade math class at 12:15. Five students walked into class late, so I had the other students tell them what the punishment would be for causing problems. Thankfully Jeopardy was a big hit. The class erupted into laughter at one point when a fellow student gave the wrong answer, but all I had to say was, "the 4th graders will be laughing at you too when you have to come sit in their class" and they stopped making fun of each other. :) Had to break free a little after 12:15 ("Okay, last question. Okay, one more question. Alright, this is it for Double Jeopardy.")

My 12:15 class wasn't too good by comparison. The boys get so rowdy and determined to do whatever they have their mind set on. We played review tic-tac-toe, but none of the boys were interested in watching/helping their teammates. I ended up having them write "how I am going to be better tomorrow" letters before I left class. Went straight to 7th grade World Religions. We did Review Jeopardy in that class too, but they were much more talkative. No wonder Andy's voice is gone! There was a group of boys in the back that wouldn't stop talking, so I made them copy sentences "I will be respectful in class." Lame! The students who were paying attention (there were quite a few ... the noisy ones were just more noticeable) seemed to enjoy playing. We got down to a tie breaker which was pretty dramatic.

Relieved to have a break. Talked to teachers and then off to visit with students as they left. I never know who I'm going to see, but it is always fun to hear them call out, "Miss Helen!" I talked with a group of 3rd grade boys today. They are all disappointed that I won't be teaching them next year ... praying for opportunities to continue my relationships with them.

Took a taxi to Andy and Lisa's house, so I could pick up their documentation to give to our rep tomorrow. He is *supposed* to go to the RO for us tomorrow. (Thankful to hear that Andy's voice is a little better, though it is only a bit louder than a scratchy whisper.) Home for a snack and then Skyped with the family for almost two hours. It will be strange to talk with them in person! Definitely a good kind of strange! :)

May 13th through 14th (Days 126-127): When Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemon Bars!

May 13th:
Woke up this morning with a bit of a cloud hanging over me. Spent time praying through it, but still had some heaviness as I went to school. The weather matched my mood. The city was covered with a dust cloud. Even the shadows on the sidewalk seemed dusty.

The 9:15 math class was trying. There was a dead bird in the room that kept disrupting class, though I'm sure it would've chosen to die elsewhere if it had known what a ruckus it would cause. The boys could not sit still at all. I ended up keeping some of them through the break and re-teaching the lesson. Graded papers during my break and turned in the final exam with answers to the curriculum coordinator. They collected them in manila envelopes (each one labeled with a specific grade and subject).

The 11am art class went well, but I had to break up a cat fight at the beginning of class. (Sounds like I was teaching anatomy - from birds to cats.) Two of the girls were clawing at each other because one of them had moved her desk, which intruded on the other girl's space. Of course neither of them took responsibility. We went into the hall and because they wouldn't apologize, I made them write apology letters during class. By the end of the period, they were smiling and best friends again. They decorated and re-decorated their letters, showing them to each other intermittently, so that there really wasn't any need to force the exchange.

During the half hour break, I continued grading papers. The end of the phase is coming up, so students are anxious to improve their grades. The 12:15 class was quiet when I came in (except for their now routine, top-of-the-lungs greeting). Two of the boys kept talking and being disruptive, but I tried to move through the lesson. All of a sudden something happened and a fight between them broke out. I sent the main antagonist into the hall, and continued the lesson in peace. When I let him back in after "5 minutes" - it may have extended a little beyond ;) - I thought we would finish the class quietly. I brought the other boy to the front of the room and had him work through one of the problems on the board. All of a sudden, a full, .33L water bottle came shooting to the front of the room like a missile. It was intended for the student, but hit the board right between us and barely missed my head. I had to react fast as boy #2 reached down for the bottle and tried to throw it back. I disarmed him of the first one, but he had a second one before I could blink. It barely missed boy #1, who picked it up and launched it again. I ended up deflecting it with my hand so that it wouldn't hit any of the other students. There was a cease fire. I dragged both of them outside as the Arabic teacher entered the room. The boys would not apologize. The Arabic teacher got upset with them for causing me grief, but they still refused. I told them they would have to write apology letters (deja vu?) to turn in tomorrow. I rushed off, needing to meet up with H and J. It bothered me that I couldn't follow through and would have to wait until tomorrow.

A quiet taxi ride to H's (which is always a blessing) and a good time with J. H is feeling better (her allergies have been bothering her). And J is really improving in his reading. We had a nice time together, though I really had to pray that the Lord would help me leave the incidents at school behind. He answered my prayer and gave me the strength to encourage H and be completely attentive to J. There was road construction along the main route back home, so the taxi driver had to take the long way. Thankfully I was wearing my sunglasses and he couldn't ask me any questions. (I bought some new "Kurdish" sunglasses when I went to the market with T. Since wearing them, I've noticed that I don't get honked at or "nee-howed" wherever I go. The dark hair comes in handy!)

Got home and felt like a pity party, but realized that my discouragement was merely the result of relying in my own power to resolve the issues at school. God had clearly given me wisdom during the "cat fight" - I was able to pray while taking the girls out of the class, but I had gotten distracted when dealing with the boys and didn't seek His help. My pity party didn't last long and I went over to John and Mary's for a visit.

Came home and Skyped with the family. (Happy Mother's Day, Mama!) Eithen is changing, but still gives me lots of kisses on the webcam. Good to talk with everyone (except Caleb and Stephen who were spending the night at a friend's). Afterwards I did some crazy baking and made lemon bars for our team dinner with another batch to take to school. I also made more granola. Tired, but in a better mood by bedtime.

May 14th:
Got to school and finished grading papers just in time for class. Students are starting to turn in a lot more homework as the phase comes to end, so that also means more time spent grading for me. When I walked into class this morning, I told the kids that if they didn't want to be in class, they were free to leave. If I wrote their names on the board and they didn't go to the garden, then I would take them to the principal after class. They were amazed that I would let them go to the garden without "minusing" them (meaning penalizing them). I assured them that they wouldn't be penalized, but that it was their choice to come to class and learn. If they didn't want to, they could go outside. On the other hand, if they kept other students from learning, then I would have to deal with their misbehavior. The first offender was pretty excited at going to the garden, taunting his classmates, who (to my relief) weren't impressed. He noticed their reaction and hesitated at the doorway. I told him that if he didn't stand outside but continued to disrupt, he would see the principal. He chose to stand in the doorway and stood as still as I've ever seen him for 20 minutes. There were other boys who crossed the line and left. They also stood just outside the classroom and eventually asked to come back in and learn. Two boys, fifteen minutes before class ended, decided that it would be fun to go to the garden and they left, but a teacher confronted them, asked why they were outside and sent them back to apologize. I ended up keeping them through part of their break. We didn't cover as much material as I would've liked, but I did see improvement.

During the break all the teachers told me how much they liked the lemon bars. A success towards my goal - introducing new foods to the country, one dessert at a time! It is really fun to have them talk to me now and include me in their conversations (which sometimes means that one of them will have to translate). Nadia has mentioned everyday how much fun she had taking me to dummbalah!

My 12:15 class got the same lecture about not being in class if they didn't want to learn. By the end of class three boys were standing in the hallway. They tried to disrupt class, but thankfully the rest of the students were engaged in the lesson, at least until the last 10 minutes of class. At that point they started talking and wouldn't settle down. Apparently they weren't attentive for the teacher after me either and it was decided that they would lose both breaks tomorrow. I'll probably help cover some of that time and have them review for their test.

I stayed at the school until 2:30 and hung out in the teacher room. The cleaning lady is quite a character; if words could clean, the school would be sparkling. As it is, the gossip circulates and so does the dirt. Jaco is very friendly though and everyone gets along with her. She enjoys teaching Assyrian to anyone who is willing to learn - I've picked up a few phrases, though my pronunciation doesn't meet the standard John has already set. In the break room, Jaco was teaching one of the Arabic-speaking teachers some Assyrian and I started to catch on to what they were referring to (the conversation was in Arabic). The lesson extended into English as another teacher translated for me. It was fun to learn with them and laugh at our mistakes - it is so easy to feel waaayyyy behind everyone else because they can speak at least two and usually closer to four languages.

I like to stay until 2:30 because then I get to talk to the kids as they load up or wait for their rides. They asked me if I was coming back next year and hoped I'd be teaching them. As it stands right now, it looks like I'll be teaching 5th grade math and story.

When I got home, I took a nap (with all the Assyrian floating around in my brain). Then headed off with John, Mary, Henry, and Stacy to our team meeting. We have the funniest team ever. Zander wanted us to sing along to his "drumming," so we all launched into a song (that Zander didn't know). A snapshot of the moment would've revealed six adults belting out "I've Been Working on the Railroad." We struggled to remember all the lines, but by the second time through we had it down. Now how often do you get a group of adults singing kids songs? Shows what happens when you are immersed in an ESL community! :) We had a nice summery meal. Lisa made a fruit salad and a cajun bulgur salad; Julie made red pepper hummus; and Mary made pretzels! We topped it off with lemon bars for dessert and a devotional that looked at the depths of creation (and all the new discoveries they are making at the bottom of the ocean). We ended the night with our Skype call to Dave and Lisa and taxied home.

Feeling emotionally tired as I think of ending the school year ... I will definitely miss my students. Two and half months back home seems like a long time to be away from them, but then I know that the time will fly by and I'll be missing "home" life once again. Leaving is bittersweet. I can't wait to get back to the things that are familiar, but will miss all the things that I've worked so hard at that have become familiar here. Trying to be rooted and built up in God, established in the faith that He is working all things according to His purpose and for His glory. When my affections are bound up in Him, then no matter where I go or what I am doing, as long as it is with Him, I will have all my joy and happiness. So then the goal must be, to "live to the hilt every situation I believe to be the will of God" (Jim Elliot).

May 5th through 6th (Days 118-119): From Finals to Finales

May 5th:
Woke up at 4:17 am (on a Saturday, no less) ... so there was plenty of time to get things done. After devotions, breakfast, and exercising, all of which was completed by 6 am, I did a load of laundry, then got to talk to Mom on Skype. They had just gotten out of the pool in a hotel in Seattle (where they are staying for the boys' karate tournament). After we talked for awhile, I got to work on writing the final exam for fourth grade math. The final and re-take are nearly complete, I only have about 20 questions left to write (out of 100) and the answer key, so that was relieving. Around noon, I had had a full day. I sat down to read and ended up falling asleep for about 20 minutes. Around 1:30, I walked down to Gali Park and met up with Stacy and a friend. Went to three different shoe places afterward and couldn't find a thing (that's the trouble with having really narrow feet.) Came home and caught up on some emailing. The rest of the evening melted away ... definitely ready for an early bedtime.

May 6th:
On my way to school I actually saw a lifted F-150, extended cab! It was amazing! Not too many big pickups around here. If I get a vehicle here, I might have to consider that. It would definitely give me an advantage on these narrow roads where "chicken" is a normal part of driving. [Side story: on the way home from one of our picnics, I commented that it seemed like we were driving in the other lane the entire way TO the picnic to avoid potholes and now, on the way BACK, using the same road, we were still driving in the other lane to avoid the potholes. John dryly retorted, "Lanes? What lanes?"]

My "rowdy" class wasn't very good today. I took three of the boys down to the principal because they weren't responding to any of my corrections. It was supposed to be an easy day. We spent most of the time reviewing for the test tomorrow ... and it was one of those review sessions where I practically gave out the answers to the test!

After class I graded papers, then taught my 11am art class. I had to send one boy out of class, but after that they settled down and got right to work. The kids spent a lot of time on their drawings. This is the third day that they have exceeded my expectations! God has been very merciful to me with that class.

Had a half hour lunch break, then taught the second math class. We had a review session during their time as well, and I awarded extra points for the test to the students who were paying attention. We covered a lot more material and I am hopeful that they will do well tomorrow.

I graded more papers, and copied off the test (ahead of time). The copy machine obviously wasn't prepared for my cleverness and didn't have time to run out of ink or paper! After I finished grading and socializing, I hopped in a taxi and went to Mazi to get my wire. This last month I am living off my salary from the school, so SGI simply wired my rent money for the next three months. It was the shortest wire transfer yet! Stacy and I usually end up waiting for about a half hour when we go to the Western Union downtown ... this took maybe five minutes. I was really relieved that it went so well (and that I was able to make my weekly grocery run at the same time). Took a taxi home and napped for 15 minutes. I think the dust storm really affected my allergies - by the afternoon I am pretty zapped of energy.

Stacy and I grabbed a taxi around 4pm and stopped by to pick up Dan and Julie. The four of us headed to the Convention Center where one of our friends from the fellowship was participating in a concert. The convention center is amazing. Really up-to-date and impressive set-up. The participants were dressed in their Kurdish clothes and the whole performance was very professional. The only time I realized I was in different cultural setting is when I could hear the people around me talking on their cell phones, getting up to leave and most of all, when the TV cameras were directed on our group of foreigners (there were quite a few of us that showed up to support our friend).

It was really neat to experience and I'm so glad I was able to go - not only to see the way a concert is "put on" on here, but to compare the elements that they value in music with the elements we emphasize in our music. Our friend wrote a song for the concert, and we all agreed that it was the best out of the nine songs they performed!

By the time the show ended, it was 7pm, and Dan, Julie, and I were starving. Texas Chicken was on the way home, so we stopped there to eat. We saw three of our students (who apparently eat there about two or three times a week!) I roped one of them into helping me explain my order, even though we are supposed to be able to order in English ... and all I wanted to do was change out my fries for coleslaw! :P

Took some pictures of the amazing moon when I got home, then visited with John and Mary for a little bit. Ready for bed ...

April 29th through 30th (Days 112-113): Tired, but Trusting

April 29th:
Went to bed last night thinking about why it bothers me so much when people come up and tell me that I must be from China or Korea or Japan. It's happened a couple times in the last few days and I can get really upset by it. When I tell them I'm from America, they scoff and tell me that my parents must be Asian. Sometimes I feel like I have to go through my entire history just to convince them that I'm American. When I look in the mirror, I often think that my outward appearance isn't an accurate representation of who I really am, but then I have to wonder, "Who am I, really?" When I get down to the heart of it, I belong to God, which means that no human form will ever be an accurate representation. "When He shall appear, we shall be like Him; for we shall see Him as He is." I read through some Scriptures and found comfort in seeing how often Christ was mis-identified as only "the son of a carpenter," an unprofitable Nazarene, and as being bound in his relationship to his earthly brothers and sisters. Though perfect and sinless, the outward appearance that Christ took on Himself, being without form or comeliness, associated Him with sinful man. People scoffed at our Savior when He told them that He was not of this world and became angry when He declared Himself to be God. He didn't try to convince them or argue with them, He showed them by His works who He was. "For whosoever shall do the will of God, the same is my brother, and my sister, and mother."


Went over for French toast with John and Mary and their guests. We had a nice time talking, then sang some hymns together and listened to a sermon from John and Mary's pastor in Pennsylvania. I left for school a little early and had some copies made for Mary (naturally, there was enough paper and ink for her print job!)


The "rowdy" class had some trouble settling down. So finally for the last 25 minutes of class, I made them sit with their hands folded and wrote their names on the board if they made even the slightest noise. When they realized I was serious, they started to quiet down. We'll see if it lasts into tomorrow...

At 10:15, I subbed for the science teacher for my second fourth grade class. We went through the lesson and did some of the practice problems. When I saw them again 12:15, we finished working on the lesson problems and then I released them to the garden for about 20 minutes.

My 11am art class went REALLY well. They are working on making their own books. I am giving them the sentences (borrowed from a book I read when I was little), then they are drawing the pictures. Today they drew a picture of themselves over the words, "God always sees me." Every student in the class (except for two) worked diligently and did their best. I was really impressed with the drawings they produced!

At 1pm, I went to H's to tutor J. We had a nice time, even though H has bad allergies right now. She fixed me some yummy pasta and then made me waffles with ice cream, chocolate sauce, pancake syrup, and banana slices! SUPER GOOD! J wasn't too motivated today and really wanted to draw, so I wrote words on the paper, which he drew after reading the word aloud.

Took a taxi to the market and bought a lot of the gifts I was looking for. Felt very successful. Came home and Skyped with the family. The boys had lots of fun things to tell me. At 6pm, John, Mary, Matt, Brad, Henry and I went to dinner at Shendokah, which is a pretty fancy restaurant and hotel on the other side of town. We ate outside ... the weather was perfect. I had parzola which is like a lamb chop. I really enjoyed it. It was nice to sit around and share experiences (well, most of the time ... sometimes I feel like I answer a little too eagerly, wanting to talk in English and say something about what I'm learning here. It brings out a side of me that isn't pleasant.) After dinner it was a little harder to squeeze into one taxi, but we made it home!

April 30th:
Three locals have told me that I look tired in the last few days, so apparently I must really look as tired as I feel! Got some good sleep last night, but between the heat and my allergies I don't have as much energy as usual.

Yesterday I told the "rowdy" class that whoever did not bring their homework today would go to the principal. Four students failed to bring it! We ended up sitting with our hands folded again; it was unbelievable to see how many of them kept pushing and pushing - talking, moving their desks, throwing pieces of eraser - primarily the four who didn't turn in their homework. In the end, I took them to the principal, but I'm not sure what their discipline was.

During the break I graded papers and watched Matt and Brad play soccer with the kids. Three first grade girls came up spontaneously and gave me hugs, held my hand, and told me their names. It was nice to get so much love! I definitely count that as one of God's blessings. During the break, I also gave the curriculum coordinator the names of the students who have turned in less than three of the six homework sets I have assigned. He is anxious to have their grades improve, but I told him that they can't improve if they aren't turning in homework. He agreed and said he would talk to them.

My 12:15 class went well. I feel like I can have a little more fun with their group - even if they are being noisy, they will respond and quiet down when I speak to them. We were about 15 minutes into the lesson when the curriculum coordinator and the principal came into the room. They asked if they could interrupt for about 5 minutes, then proceeded to call the names of the kids on my "no homework" list. They made them stand at the front of the classroom and went through each one, scolding them for only turning in ___ homework sets out of  the six. It was an agonizing process, especially as I watched the students sit back down somewhat disheartened. After the principal and c.c. left, I took a minute to tell the class that when they get in trouble, I feel like I am getting punished too. I want to help them and encourage them, but can't make them turn in their homework. They seemed to respond positively - several of the students who had been reprimanded came up and asked me what they needed to turn in. The c.c. and principal went into the classroom next door and gave the same lecture (I felt sorry for the teacher who was overseeing the class at the time). It is sad to see how they used shame to achieve compliance, instead of showing the students that they have a teacher who wants them to learn and grow and cares enough for them to say something about their poor performance... something I pray that God will allow me to demonstrate to my kids, little by little, day by day.

Met with the curriculum coordinator afterwards since a parent had complained / given suggestions for improvement regarding my tests. I was able to answer two of the three complaints satisfactorily - 1. I grade every piece of homework they turn in 2. I give them the answer to the bonus question (ex: What is mercy?) in class and write it on the board to see if they are paying attention. The third was a suggestion that I move the number of points possible from the beginning of the question to the end and use the term "marks" instead of points. All I could do was smile and say, "Sure" (which is exactly how the curriculum coordinator felt too).

A little after 1pm, I walked down to the market to T's office (from the orphanage). Since leaving her position at the orphanage, she is working for Heartland Alliance, which provides free legal counsel to Iraqi's. Their office is on the fourth floor of what looks like a clothing department store. When I arrived, she introduced me to her boss as "Helen Mezuri," which generated some conversation. After finishing up the monthly report she was writing, we explored the market, ate a bag of chips, looked at jewelry, and got some tamarind juice (I'd never tried it before - sort of sweet and sour). I enjoyed talking with T and asking her questions. She is forward-thinking and has some interesting ideas. Found myself praying often that God would give me the words to stay and keep me from inadvertently doing things that would be disrespectful. T introduced me to some of her distant relatives who own different stalls in the market, so I will be able to shop there in the future.

Came home and made the salad for tonight's team meeting. Mary made lasagna soup, and Julie and I had the sides - bread and salad. We Skyped with Dave and Lisa, then had a fire on the roof with a cheesecake dessert that Lisa made. Felt that I needed to walk in the strength of the Lord many times today, and was grateful to see the many ways He met that need. I am finding that it is possible to stay positive when I am resting in His strength. I used to get so discouraged, even depressed for months on end. Now, I can go into situations and instead of focusing on my shortcomings, I simply ask God to show me what He is doing. The stress to be successful, get things done, and see results melts away - I see that all things are ordained by Him and that He delights to be my strength through every situation.

Lately, external negativity seems to encroach on my joy in the Lord. All around me people are discouraged, stressed, and frustrated ... it becomes draining. But then I realize that this is just one more area I need to rely on the Lord for strength. He endured much greater negativity, but continued steadfastly in the will of His Father. By Christ's example, I know that it is possible to remain positive, but need the daily remainder that it is in His strength alone. I can't depend on myself to know how to comfort others, alleviate their stress, or calm their frustrations, I must continually turn to the Lord to give me patience and wisdom, ultimately trusting Him to meet their needs.