Sunday, November 18th:
I have been reading through the same seven chapters of Matthew for the past two weeks ... it is amazing how much more I see each time I read it. This morning I noticed how often the chapters emphasize words.
Jesus spoke words of healing (Mt 8:3, 13, Mt. 9:2-6), while the Pharisees spoke words of condemnation (Mt. 9:3, 34, Mt. 12:10, 34). Many worshiped God with their words. It struck me that in each of these verses: Mt. 8:2, 9:18, 14:33, the phrase was used, "they worshiped, saying." On the other hand, the words of the disciples often articulated fear and doubt Mt. 8:25, 14:15, 14:26, which are the opposite of faith and worship. These verses challenged me to look at my words - which category do they fall under? "Every idle word that men shall speak they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment. For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned."
The acts of Jesus are often noted by Matthew as the fulfillment of God's Word (Mt. 8:17, 12:17, 13:35). This was a reminder that God never speaks idly. All that He has said has been and will be fulfilled. His Word will not return to Him void. Though I often feel, especially as I teach, that my words drift around the ears of inattentive students and dissipate into the air, it is encouraging to remember that God's Word is established and will be heard and acknowledged by all the earth.
I had a fairly good time in 5B. Apart from the three students who are continually disrupting the class, the others were attentive and followed along with the lesson. 5A was very responsive. "Prissy" has come to terms with me as her teacher and today she was enthusiastic about math. We talked after school and she confessed (again) how much she didn't like me at the beginning of last year, then asked if I noticed that she was trying to be good. When I told her that complaining about our lesson at the beginning of class wasn't very encouraging, she started to argue with me, but quickly backed down and told me she would be more respectful. Such an encouragement, especially when I remember our "show-down" last Spring.
When I walked into 6B they were taking pictures together. Since we both teach that class, Lisa and I were comparing notes about them. They are a really tight group, even uniting over what kind of weekend they had ("Miss, we decided that all of us had a boring weekend") or deciding if they will all turn in their homework the next day. After agreeing to a photo with them, we had a fun lesson. I used students as digits to show them how multiplying by 10 shifts each number to the next place value. "Miss, Miss, let's do another example!"
At the end of each class, I gave them a thanksgiving project. They traced their hand and made turkeys, then wrote a letter to someone they are thankful for, using the five fingers to list five reasons why are they are thankful for that person. It's hard to believe that Thanksgiving is only a few days away!
After school I went to the market and realized its been awhile since I've made my way through the sea of Kurdish men in skinny jeans and pointy shoes (that was Stacy's favorite way of describing them). I picked up an extension cord for my desk lamp, so I could keep it near my bed. Found some mushrooms and picked up some meat for a meal I want to make this week. Lisa is organizing meal delivery for the expat who just had her baby, so I'm planning a meal for them with a little extra for me.
When I got home, Mary and I sat down over a cup of tea and mapped out our meal for Thanksgiving. Lots of cooking this week! During the afternoon, I finished my audiobook and got a lot of grading done. The students have realized that the end of the semester is fast approaching and I am getting at least 20 late homework assignments per day. One student even wrote on her assignments (she turned in 10 on day), "Miss, I'm sorry to make you tired with so much extra grading. I will try not to get behind again." :)
At 6pm, I Skyped with my family. It was good to talk to all of them. Eithen took me into his cupboard where we talked a little bit. I can tell that he isn't as excited to talk via the computer, he'd rather take the book I recorded and listen to it in the other room. I know how he feels. Talking over Skype reminds me just how far away I am. I had a dream that Eithen was giving me a hug. When I woke up, it hurt knowing that it wouldn't be reality for another six months. Mom told me that Caleb is drinking chai tea, trying to get used to the taste before he comes to visit. So cute! I had to explain that chai just means black tea (and they add so much sugar, I'm sure he won't have any problem enjoying it!)
Mom and I had a good talk about words. I put too much stock into what people say. My flesh clings to their words, replaying them over and over - positive words, affirming what I've done or negative things reminding me of all that I'm not and have to live up to. The enemy builds on this, whispering words that engulf my mind in a fog of confusion. Instead of clinging to words spoken in the flesh or by the enemy, I need to hold fast to God's Word. "Come unto Me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn of Me." But isn't there something more I ought to do? As I talk through this with Mom, I am reminded of those that came to Lord, being deceived in themselves. They didn't come saying, "Lord, Lord didn't we trust in Your Word and rest in Your promises?" They came to Him, "Lord, Lord, have we not ... done many wonderful works?" They rested in the things they'd done and said, instead of hearing and doing what God had said.
Monday, November 19th:
Awoke to a wet, cold world. Today felt less like fall and more like winter.
5B is still settling in with the new seating assignments, but it seems like they are adjusting. I handed out behavioral and low performance letters in all the classes today and made sure they understood that they are not in trouble, but I need their parents to know the reasons for their low marks. Each class took a vocab quiz (but Miss, this is math, not English!) It ended up being harder than I expected ... mostly because the students didn't bother studying. I wrote up the list of words last Wednesday and told them they could use the definitions on the quiz. Only a handful brought the list in each class. After 15 minutes, I let them use their books, and then finally awarded extra points to the students who turned in their quizzes today while the rest were allowed to take theirs home. It ended up being a much quieter day than I had planned, but I was thankful for the rest.
When I got home, I took a nap, then got ready for our team meeting. The meeting was at John and Mary's, so it was a quick walk across the hall at 4pm. John read a few verses about thanksgiving, noting that each was accompanied by a reference to singing. We spent the rest of the time singing hymns (using words to worship ... per yesterday's devotions). Afterwards we went out to eat at a restaurant that I'd never been to before. The food was really good, though the atmosphere resembled what we have termed a "man cave." There are lots of man caves here, where women are not allowed. We weren't too sure about this place since there were women waitresses. The owner of the restaurant greeted all of us, welcoming us to "Cali Cafe," serving very American food. I had a quesadilla which was really good, just no salsa or guacamole.
With the winter weather settling in, I've been reminded of my first five months here. Coming full circle brings with it many different emotions. In part, I feel settled here, with a confidence that this is where I belong. Another part remembers how secluded those months felt, where going out for groceries was more of a chore than a breath of fresh air. The city electricity went off today and I immediately went back to the weeks when we didn't have heat and it was snowing outside. The world suddenly felt like it was closing in on me. The audiobook I just finished is about a rescue mission. The author talks about completing the "gut check" - that moment before the mission where you ask yourself if you are ready to follow through with the plan and face whatever lies ahead. I had that moment today. "Whatever lies ahead" encompasses a lot of unknowns, and as I think about them, I know I can't handle them all. My assurance lies in God's promise to "never leave me nor forsake me." And His Word is not given idly. I can't take confidence in knowing that being here means I will accomplish many things or will leave an impression on the future, but I do have confidence that "the Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want." Though I know how difficult this winter may be, I want to be able to give thanks through it. May my words be pleasing to Him, and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in His sight.
