Saturday, November 24th:
Woke up this morning and got a few things done, but took time to rest. The lack of sleep is catching up with me. Around 11, I printed off certificates for today's bball tournament and got ready to go to a baby shower. I've been thinking about Eithen a lot, so the thought of going was difficult. Add to that past experiences where mothers have implied that because I'm single, I must not have a clue as to what is going on, and I almost didn't go. God showed me the depths of my selfishness and I prayed that He would forgive me and help me to go with love for K, not minding anything else. Lisa, Mary and I went together. God was very gracious and none of my fears were realized. K was very happy to talk to me, and at the end, I got to hold the baby for quite a long time. He snuggled up in my arms and slept.
After the shower, I went to Lisa's house (having packed up my basketball gear ahead of time) and helped them get ready for the tournament. We got everything done a little after 2:30 and loaded up the van. Some of the neighbor kids came with us, so we had a full vehicle. Andy arranged for us to play at a covered location this week and it took us a little while to figure out just how to get there.
The court wasn't set up, but with the help of some students we had it ready to go before 3pm. Others had trouble finding the location too and we were worried that our turn-out would be a little sparse. Eventually everyone showed up and the game was on! Lisa and I subbed for the girls ... my team was behind by several points, but we rallied at the end and only lost by 2. I got to ref some of the boys' games and that was a lot of fun (and a first!) The tournament was definitely a success. Andy and Lisa did a great job keeping the players focused on sportsmanship and effort. They handed out awards at the end and I think the kids felt like they were well-earned.
On a side note, a couple of the 7th grade boys (who are in the math class that I help monitor for John) were grinning sheepishly when they saw me walk in. One of them finally got up the courage and told me, "Miss, I had a dream about you. You were upset with me and sent me out of the classroom!" We joked about it and I told him I could make the dream come true if he wanted me to! When I thought about it later, I worried that it might be an indication that the kids are afraid of me ... even in their subconscious! But as I thought about the mischievous grin that accompanied the story, I realized that it is probably just a healthy respect for "the look" (which I use pretty frequently in their class) combined with the fact that they've seen me take away my students' breaks for misbehavior.
After the tournament, John and I walked with the kids to Texas Chicken. It was fun to talk to them outside of the school setting. I've been getting to know the 7th graders better through John's math class, so they were comfortable telling me stories and asking me questions. As we sat together at Texas Chicken, I observed how they interacted with each other. One of my fifth grade boys has been coming every week, so Andy and Lisa allowed him to play at the tournament. He fit right in with the older kids, without looking for their approval and attention.
We found out that there won't be any school tomorrow, so after basketball, we all headed over to Andy and Lisa's for a movie night. I had already scheduled to Skype with my friend back home, and Lisa graciously excused me from the group so Jess and I could talk. It was only the second time we've been able to Skype since I've been here, and both of us were in need of a sisterly heart-to-heart. As always, it was encouraging to talk about the things of the Lord. Though it was in a different context, Jess vocalized a lot of the things I've been learning and helped me see how to grow in those areas. She referenced the verse that we shared last spring - "My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion forever." She encouraged me to cast off the things I've been struggling with and cling to the Lord as my portion. When I got home, I realized that "figuring it all out" often takes precedence over delighting in the Lord as my portion. He is to be my delight first, learning and growing can come second.
One of the blessings of Jess' friendship is having a fellow traveler to share the lessons of this journey with. Sometimes I get discouraged by what I see in myself and it is encouraging to know that others see the same things in their lives too. God is leading us on together, Christian and Faithful, until we reach the end of our journey. "Then I saw in my dream, they went very lovingly on together, and had sweet discourse of all the things that had happened to them in their pilgrimage."
Sunday, November 25th:
A rainy day ... perfect for curling up with a book and cup of tea. I refrained until after I finished writing my midterm :)
First thing this morning I was able to IM with my friend in the Philippines. Another fellow traveler whose journey is taking her through the jungles of tribal life. It was encouraging to talk to her. God has led us through similar experiences since the time we first met ... college, similar jobs, teaching, and now life far away from family and friends. We IM'ed for a long time (unable to talk because of her poor Internet connection.) She is very isolated, living on an island with one other American family, homeschooling their children as they study the language and build relationships with the locals. It was a blessing to be able to reach out to her and touch bases (we've tried unsuccessfully many times), letting her know that she's not alone.
After I finished my midterms and lesson planning, I tried to take a nap. I didn't fall asleep, but it was good to rest. I jammed my thumb at the basketball tournament yesterday. You don't realize how much you need it, until it hurts each time you use it! Typing isn't too bad, but writing is really difficult. I put off grading until it was the last thing that had to be done.
With Eithen so much on my mind, I wrote a letter to him, perhaps for him to read someday. It helped to put in words the memories that come up unexpectedly and to record the hope that I have in God's goodness to not forget our labors of love. I miss him terribly, and am most afraid that he will think I have deserted him. Reading "Lotus Buds" has led me to pray that God will grant the kind of love that Amy Carmichael describes as "brave love."
Referring to one of the rescued children, who was of a tender spirit, she writes, "If only we could hold her safe and sheltered in our arms for ever! How the longing swept through one at that moment: for the winds of the world are cold. But it cannot be, it should not be, for such love would be weak indeed. Rather do we long to brace the gentle nature so that its very sensitiveness may change to a tender power and the fountain of sweet waters refresh many a desert place ... we covet prayer for our children ... we need prayer, too, for ourselves, that our love may be brave and wise."
The sound of rain on the window was relaxing, but with it came the leak in my window. It wasn't long before I could hear the splish-splash of little water droplets. I talked to Andy, and he is going to buy some caulking so I can seal it up on our next dry day. The mold on the window ledge explains the cough that's been showing up when I'm hanging out in my room.
In the evening I Skyped with my family. They slept in and were a little later than normal ... I was just relieved that nothing had happened to keep them from being online! Despite the shortened time, we still fit in a good conversation. Dad told me what he'll be teaching in Sunday School and Mom updated me on her trip preparations. We shared the ways God has been growing us, then signed off so they could go to church.
