Sunday, February 10th:
Today was somewhat of a blur. I made my way through all of my classes, and came home to sleep and restart the day again. I do recall that in 5B, the BFF from a few days ago came up to me and told me that she had forgiven her friend (Melody). I was really encouraged and thankful she had told me. The rest of the day was swallowed up in a heaviness that I can't explain.
In the evening I was going to go with a student to ch--ch but she never called (I found out later that she had company and they didn't end up going.) After my nap, I felt a little refreshed though after a few hours, I was swallowed up again in a sense of loss. I Skyped with the family and was encouraged to hear that my parents have been able to do some fun things. I am grateful for the people back home who are looking after them :)
Monday, February 11th:
Today was harder still. I am grateful for the strength to teach all of my classes, but by the end of the day, after I've walked home, I am ready for a nap. Throughout the last two days, I've been hit with sudden memories of home - a smell, a taste of a particular food, a look that reminds me of a loved one, an emptiness without Eithen. The thought is so spontaneous it takes me off guard and I feel a little piece of myself float away. Then there is the bombardment of discouraging thoughts, headaches and back pain.
After my nap, I read my journal and was encouraged by several things - 1. I've been through this before! 2. The solution isn't to go out and grapple with the problem, but to realize that these are the fiery darts of the enemy. I need to "hunker down beneath the shield of faith." 3. God will use this for His glory. My current situation isn't the result of any deficiency (yes, I fall short in many areas, but Jesus is my all) and piling on "shoulds" and "oughts" will only keep me in this pit. The Lord must raise me out it. 4. All I can do is cling to my Savior and call on His promises.
I felt a little more refreshed after this and finished my grading before we went to dinner. Our team time was canceled, but the Mareen group went out to the "fish restaurant." (It only serves one kind of boneless, skinless fish, but so far it is the only place we know of in the city.) After I got home, I was reading emails and got sidetracked doing some research. A couple hours later, I logged off and got ready for bed, feeling really unsettled. As I wrestled through it with the Lord, everything that I was reading in my journal and in my devotions fell into place. I was able to leave everything in the Lord's hands and go to bed with a sense of peace that my well-being is secure with Him.
